My blue eyes never lie.
So rest assure when you look at me,
forever I'll be yours, til I die.
On the beach we will lie,
gazing upon starry skies you will see,
my blue eyes never lie.
Our hearts racing and necks a wry,
we kiss setting those butterflies free.
forever I'll be yours, til I die.
At times I may make you sigh and cry,
But to your heart I will hold the key.
My blue eyes never lie.
Different in many ways, odds we defy.
How opposites attract is still a mystery.
Forever I'll be yours, til I die.
As our love grows and days go by,
by the hand I'll take you, and on one knee I will be.
My blue eyes never lie,
Forever I'll be yours, til I die.
Author notes
Another Villanelle form
A contest entry
- 20/20 vision by zochit2me.
450 points, ended December 7, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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This is really nice. There seems to be a lot of feeling to it. Also, a very nice flow. Mad props man.
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eh Villanelles are one of my weakest poetry forms..... the constraints make it difficult for me to move the piece smoothly.... this is a piece I have always wanted to revise but I never have the nack to do so.... one day
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I am just starting poetry, I don't know shit about form. haha. I just try and make mine flow well. I have considered, once i get a little better, starting to learn some different forms of writing, but we will see.
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Thank you for your comment... I thought I would wander over and return the favor... if you don't mind me asking how did you find me?
Anyway... to the point!
Congrats on the bronze... although honestly... I really really think that this was gold worthy... though the flow was just a bit choppy... I adored the rhyming and the message and the sincerity (no pun intended) of this. I am honestly not generally a fan of the repetitive rhyme scheme but you really made this work. Thank you for the read.
Oh by the way... I managed to check out your myspace real quick and if I may say so.. you're a sharp looking kid.. -
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haha thanks.... I reason for the rythme is because it is a form called a villanelle, which I am still trying to work on. It's been a work in progress... I fould you on the recent comment page
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You shouldn't have received a bronze for thins. Gold is certainly more appropraite, When I read it, I could feel the passion flowing from it, how I can relate to the words that are written. This is strong, one of the best that I have read in a long time, and its been a long time. I see no mistakes, no faults. The picture that it paints is beautiful and I love it.
~~Tears~~
P.s. Thanks for commenting on my poem, i dont really feel that it was all that good (well none of my poems have been up to par lately), but I appreciate you liking it. And for you I will work on it and make it the best that it can be and will let you know when I have made the edits.
Again thank you.
~~Keep on writing because what words can bring to the mind is the best picture anyone can paint.~~-Unknown
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thanks for the comment although there are a few things i'd like to adjust as villanelle can be tricky.... when I edit this I'll let you know!!
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wonderful form ... and SO romantic... sigh
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very sweet, romantic and simple. not familiar with forms so I can comment on that. it had an effortless flow. a touching dreamy write.
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A beautifully romantic poem. I love this form; I'm so glad you won a trophy for this. Well done with this.
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You've done very well by this form~ not as easy as one thinks, I've tried it. lol.
Congratulations.
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I have seen this form many times and always am amazed by it. Never attempted it as free verse is more suited for me...I have too many thoughts to corral into form I suppose. Although I have done some etheree and rictameter as well as huiku. You did very well with this.
Good to see you on here again.
Becky
the flower fairy left these for you
All the way from Texas
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This is beautiful. This is a very tender write and expresses lots of emotion. I love the flow of this and the parts of the beach and the sky creates nice imagery. Good luck in the contest.
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I love this. It has a very tender feel from start to finish, but not in an overly-sappy way. It comes across with a very genuine intention. The wording is wonderful and creates great imagery to back up your meaning.
The only correction I'd make is to change "till" to "'til."
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I like this, the line you chose for the repetition strikes the theme home with strength. Romantic.
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I did really like this, just the rhyming with 'lie' all the time made it feel a bit funny, that's also what I don't like about a lot of mine too. But I like the repition of 'blue eyes never lie', that worked well.
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thats because it is a Villanelle form poem which consists of 19 lines and a A(1)B(A2) ABA(1) ABA(2) ABA(1) ABA(2) ABA(1)A(2)..... every Villanelle is like that ..... look up Dylan Thomas "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night"
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Very nice forma and it certainly works. Clearly constructed and well thought out. Very nice write!
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Lovely... absolutely beautiful.
-Faded
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Oh, this was one of the most beautiful villanelle's i have seen here on this site.. wow, I loved it. The emotion within it is so strong and its beauty is skin deep. This was well thought out and written! Keep writing, I'd love to see more of these, since u seem to have them down pact. I'm still out of ideas for a villanelle
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love it dear
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Oh WOW! I absolutely love this. Blue eyes never do lie. God bless you in all that you do and best wishes to you in the contest.
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