When your brown eye-lashes flutter,
It is I who you woo,
But male birds, not the other
Are the prettier of the two.
Hair, coloured the same,
Sneaks out from under your veil
Blown by the wind that whispers your name
On a white wedding day. With skin so pale,
She rests near summer ponds.
On our honeymoon,
Where wind does not even tousle the fronds,
I see a colorful Loon.
I am attracted to this beautiful male
Not a woman like you, so sickly and so pale.
Author notes
I decided to redo my 'Prettier' poem after submitting it to POD(poem of the day). I decided that a sonnet would really change the feel and flow of my poem, so here is the end result. I am very pleased with it. Tell me what you think.
12/2/07
A contest entry
- Pre Written Rhyme by piccola.
900 points, ended February 5, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Give me a critical thought.
Comments
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I thought sonnets were fixed form...that each line had to have 10 syllables...maybe I'm wrong and that's why I cannot write one. Perhaps I'm trying too hard. I thought it was three stanzas of ABAB then a cuplet of CC or something .. but each line of the 14 had to be 10 syllables..Thank you for entering and making me think
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You are completely right. Heh, time for me to go back and redo what I've done. Thank you for letting me know and letting me enter the contest. Best of luck to you.
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