To dream about you is so unfair.
Sweet temptation; something I can't have.
Dreams falling from grace,
no hearts will be spared.
Bleeding souls drifting aimlessly,
dripping thoughts repent carelessly.
No more dreams I beg of you!
No more false pretenses, I beg of you!
Let me
F
A
L
L
Let me die.
Let me believe in nothing,
Cruel faith in all.
Author notes
mhmm...
A contest entry
- Your Best Pre-write of 2007 by Metaphorist.
900 points, ended January 4, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever..just make it good. [astonish me] by borrowing.moonlight.
1000 points, ended June 30, 2008, 160 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The last of my points.....for you!! by l33t-n1nj4.
747 points, ended August 15, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This is a really good write. I really liked it. It has a lot of soul in it. I think that you conveyed your thoughts really well. Nicely done.
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I definately liked this. It's very relatable.
Sometimes theres things in dreams that we wish would actually happen but yet we know in our hearts it wont, and its painful. Very nice write =]
~Vampy~ -
depressingly beautiful. Flows perfectly. Looks nice the way it's written. tugged at my heart. I loved it!
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awww thats so sad, and i felt your emotions. i like your use of a decent background.. and your words are great here
i like your wording here
Bleeding souls drifting aimlessly,
dripping thoughts repent carelessly.
but some of the repetition though i see the intent.. it just a little too much but overall well done
thanks for the entry and good luck! -
OoooH, the flow is beyond amazing! Depressing poems just make my day! (yes literally, I love depressing writes..*
Great job, I felt the emotions of this piece, greatness!!
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I agree it is a tad on the cliche sounding side, however you have written this with an amazing flow. The way it reads really takes it from a mediocre poem to a good poem.
I enjoyed this. -
I really enjoyed this. It is very depressing... I especially thought that the spacing technique with the word "fall" was quite unique. Excellent job, and keep writing.
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I don't want to be too harsh, but this sounded terribly cliche. Yet I still enjoyed reading it.
Thanks for entering. Good luck in my contest and in the new year!
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Brillant!
Wow, this is very unique!
You have a great talent my new friend, I love your style and your homepage as well!
I am excited to read more from you!
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wow...i really liked that. its got a lot of meaning, and emotion behind it. keep up the writing, your really good.
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wonderful!it has a unique structure and an equally challanging style!well done indeed!keep up writing!
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