I watch, wait for his call, wondering if he’s with her
Dark room with dark thoughts, slanting my emotions
He attracts my heart, my libido, as he whispered love without telling me
How long will he stay with me, his thoughts drift to her
Her looks, her form, he desires, but still he’s here
I hate her but speak with affable intentions to hold her at bay
I show love, felt loved, yet these sentiments confound me
While she soothes my heart, she, the other heats my passion
I lay here twisted in her arms, while my twisted thoughts of her remain unbalanced
Author notes
If you knew you were part of another's heart but knew you could not totally fill it on your own. What part would you share?
In a list
A contest entry
- Love Triangles! by Bitter Irony.
450 points, ended December 24, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Conversation pieces by cricketjeff.
630 points, ended December 29, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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My initial misreading means you get three comments. Three voices to one theme, but not exactly interwoven or different styles, interesting read though, thanks.
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Doesn't seem to fit this contest at all, sorry.
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Hmmm
No re-reading it it does. Actually rather interesting.
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I love how you used each of the three perspectives for this poem. Your word choice is very strong for most of the poem: there's one line I'm unsure about: "I hate her but speak with affable intentions to hold her at bay." Affable? How so? See if you can find a way to more clearly express that idea.
Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck!
~Bitter Irony -
you seem to have captured this well - the intensity and confusion and convolution of it all... from each of three perspectives... that takes some understanding... you've shown quite a bit of empathy in this write...
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WOOOO! Great question. I'm a little protective of my heart so if I can't have his as I am willing to give mine, then I'll keep mine until someone is able to see that my heart (along with his) is worth sharing.
I love this poem though. Keep Writing!
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I was unprepared for three different voices, but once I realized what was happening . . . wow! Awesome work! I was left with a feeling of sadness at the end, for each of the unfortunate females, who clearly do not think enough of themselves to refuse such fickle treatment; and for the man, who has dug himself quite the hole, and will probably bury himself in it. Such a triangle cannot hold its form for long . . .
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Peeking into someones home and reaching inward for a creative thought. Brings out a lot of deep and realistic
adventures. This was an extension of my poem, What part of my heart do you share". When I saw the contest. Iw as like, HEY!! this is cool - I'll write another one. But very unfortunate on all parties. - thanks for the great observation
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Dynamic read
You alway amaze me with your concepts & reality in your piece like this one. I remember reading something like this long ago by you. You alway accept a challenge in full armor.......Mom
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Thanks mom - sometimes it revives old thoughts but in a different form. Thanks for the thought and the great words. ~ yr Son
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dad your something
no wonder i am a mess
just kidding this is a poem
that even your daughter have not a clue on how to respond dad i wonder what piece would my dad share
love you
jewels
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O yeah, a daughter is always in love with their father. They just know that they can't have him. He's sexy, strong, loving and just what a woman wants. But you already know that
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yes now isn't that torturing because little girls love they dad and envy the woman
sounds like me muah..love u
daughter jewels
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First of all...there will be no sharing at least for me
I want you ALL to myself...oh my
Did I say that out loud...AGAIN 
oopsies 
This was very deep Keee...I agree with Rose, this is indeed a Brain Massager for many, at least I'm willing to let you...I mean at least Im willing to admit that you make me HOT...sorry, Im still learning
CC
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U got my reply succulent cherry, sooooooo Thanks again
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hi gorgeous one this is a brain massager for me
which part would i share ?? not a clue i know most surely not the heart and not the organ i like this
rose petals for
my gorgeous mykeee
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( he blushes under his smooth chocolate skin) Sweet sweet Rose. I had this one just crawl up on me
kisses as I hold these petals closely
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Very Deep
This is a very deep poem, you have written a poem that many can relate too, you write just enough to open ones mind and let their thoughts wander. That just shows how good a writer you are, your talent holds no bounds. It seems to me that you wrote this from the womans point of view as well as the male, you did an excellent job. I am honored to be the first to review this wonderful poem, thank you for sharing and keep them coming.
raingoddess
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Thanks Precious one - I always love your insight on my work. U tear away the layers of illusion and reveal the texture of my thoughts. I admire that. My thanks sincerely
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