Tinkerbell Is High Again && Peter Pan Is Sleeping With Wendy

...&& ive realised the boys i did love, dont really exist, they are all fragments of my feelings, torn from my lips like the stiches that were placed there in attempt to stop me talking...

so heres the story line;;


Inhaling cancer like it was going out of fashion; I had forgotten how good he looked when he smiled

“Take it easy kid” he said as he held my shoulder steady;; I smiled and blew smoke into his face;; so he didn’t look so god.damn.perfect

And as I pulled away he seemed to hold on until the last moment;; I guess he always had a tendency to pull me down or at least try and push me down [on a bed]

As he kissed her and gave me glares, I danced with boys with no names;; and ex girlfriends I hadn’t kissed in so long…

Stealing hash filled smoke from her lips; she whispered “do you remember that night” and pulled me into the bathroom…and I couldn’t get down fast enough before a rude banging on the door…

As we left I put my hair up into a messy bun; convinced my hair didn’t look as good red as it would have blonde; only because a group of pretty lasses stared in disbelieve the rumors “she was actually bi” were true

A blonde boy lead me upstairs, and we stumbled towards the bed in the dark;; and between sloppy kisses he promised me I was beautiful, he swore it till some twat turned the lights on;; and his eyes focused on the mess on top of him.

his heart beat increased to the rate I was trying to run away from the boy downstairs who unfortunately had a name;; and again he tried to kiss my lips, my cheeks, my neck; easing further down…

and for some reason I wasn’t getting a buzz out of the fact he was undoing my jeans; I got up and walked away using the excuse that “darling; I’m not that easy” && he seemed shocked that I still had the ability to do my skinny jeans up around the fat of my waist with such ease

stumbling down stairs; I hugged a sweet freshmen from my school; another look from [thatboy] as I dance with my new found love freshman, and unlike the last one at least this one can pronounce aluminum correctly

sloppy kisses again the wall, the music isn’t fucking loud enough because I can still hear myself breathing. My best friend watches from the corner, so I pull away to dance with her like a slut; he takes me from behind and all I can feel is a hard on and my lips against his while my body is strung up against hers

I walk into the kitchen. Druggy’s are smoking up, my ex boyfriend checks me out; but I don’t have time to tell him to fuck off because I’m on the kitchen surface with my arms and legs raped around the host; but he’s crying because the excitement has got to him

I come back to find freshman and my best friend stumbling up the stairs;; and wonder does she really love him?

Another kiss or to, a grab of my arse and I contemplate if they would stop me jumping out the window after all it was the 5th floor.

And the boy who has the ability to break my heart kisses me like he means it, whispering “sorry, I shouldn’t be taken advantage of you”. Instead of letting him steal my heart there and then, I steal his cigarette and whisper “don’t worry baby; I’m not that drunk”

I stumble in on the host, and as I try to comfort his limp body, I get abuse from the kid in the corner [another cunt who doesn’t know what he’s doing with his life] “he’s fine, just go and enjoy your party” I stare at him in disbelief; I’m the most real person there.

I kiss Niles cheek and tell him to get well soon, you would have thought we were in hospital. As I leave and rummage though my bag for a packet of cigarettes, I turn round to find an apology strung up on his lips “sorry its just, yeh, I’m worried about him” he stares at me, and I wonder if there is any other fit kid who’s going to try and get with me tonight; I accept his apology and leave

As we drag my best friend from the dark room, with the freshman. She gathers her things as I kiss freshman and tell him to back off my girl; he didn’t have a problem kissing back;

I say goodbye to everybody, and stare at the boy who did break my heart contemplating weather to say goodbye, as I’m about to leave, I grasp his waist just to give him a taste of what he’s missing [not much], he hugs me and holds me for a second to long, I know his girlfriend isn’t there && as he looks at me I know what he has in mind

Maybe just once?
And as we get millimeters from each others ecstasy lips, I can feel his breath on my neck, and realize I don’t want to feel [dont want to feel anything to di with him]and as I pull away, he doesn’t let go I edge towards his unruly hair and whisper “I’m going home” and as I try to leave, he just wont fucking let go…

He never wants to let go; I look into his eyes, and wonder when he’s going to stop trying to hurt me and he whispers “I’m so sorry bec” and with nothing to say back, I read lyrics from songs he never liked “last years wishes are this years apologues” before turning away and leaving walking off into the smoke I wonder if he was thinking about what I just said or checking out my ass.

I guess I will never know.


we arrive home late and sober our bodies on macaroni and cheese && recieved a text from the blond boy asking if i got home

i repled "look twas fun but dont take it personally but it was just fun; your just a bit of fun...sowwi"

he replied "ya =D i just wanted to say that =p it was fun, nic girl you are =D it was good =] you are real good =D dont worry i dont take it personally, hope you dont either

i didnt text back, because even though i dont i wonder how long before the rest of them try to call me.