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Early Mourning

Missing image

Ever since you left me, my world has been turned upside-down

and it feels like I'll never be the same again. 

 

I gave you a hug, and a kiss goodbye,

but I didn't know that they would be the last.

 

You left that day, my love, but how was I to know

that you would be gone for good, this time.  

 

Every tear I weep for you is in vain,

for I know that you will never come home to me.

 

I never even believed that you were dead

until I saw your body in the morgue.

 

It wasn't right, that you lay, so cold

upon that slab of frigid concrete 

 

For you had always been so warm and gentle,

so full of life, and love for all creatures.

 

The doctor said that you felt no pain,

though for I, who loved you, it will never end.

 

I hope he pays the price, in blood, for his crime

He, who took from you your very life.

 

My existence is cold and empty, without you, 

and I have lost count of the tears I have wept.

 

So I'll pick red roses for your grave,

and I promise to play Nightwish at your funeral

 

Just like you always wanted, right?

But I never expected it to be so soon.

 

I've wished upon stars to bring you home,

but it seems that they are all out of wishes now

 

For though you've gone to a better place,

bitter tears remain frozen upon my cheeks

 

As, every day, I look in the mirror and wonder

why it had to be you, instead of me. 

Author notes

Option 7, for K's contest.

Picture-inspired, for Rosewood Angel's contest.

"Painful surrender"

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • edit my world.
    July 24, 2008

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    i feel this would be an awesome story...just because it feels like one
    this is a lovely write thanks for entering

  • Goldfist
    March 27, 2008

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    Congradulations.

    Your poem has been chosen as a preliminary finalist and will recieve applause from me before I decide on the winners. Each poem also gets an additional comment that illustrates why it was chosen as a preliminary finalist.

    To be perfectly honest, this piece almost didn't make it into the finalists, but there was something about it's tone that changed my mind. I really can't put my finger on it. Perhaps it has to do withthe way ypu put things? I know that the freeverse couplette structure had something to do with it. This piece seemed far too frank and to the point to be a poem and it almost seems like prose. There is use of metaphor enough to have it sitting on the line between several different forms of writing. the last stanza is what made me reconsider this piece for a place in the finalists. You left off with a note that sounded with realism and truth.

  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    March 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sweetie this is so beautifully written yet so heartbreaking all at the same time, love you always Aunt Josie

  • californiagirl
    March 11, 2008

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    This is a very chronologically organized piece, which took a little of the emotion out, because it all seemed to be so robotic. Overall, though, a good poem. Thanks so much for your entry and good luck!

  • Goldfist
    March 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    nice

    Thanks for entering the contest. this poem is rather matter of fact, very organized as far as the chronology of events described, and sad. Good luck.


  • Lost Vampyre Angel
    March 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very good hun,
    it really did it home,
    i relate completely,
    i love this and the form its written in,
    good luck in the contest hon,
    hope your well,
    bri xxx


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    January 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is definitely dark, deep and heartfelt . I think that you got a great piece for the picture prompt you had one it for. thanks for entering 'twas much appreciated.


  • Afe-la
    January 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i love your use of the stanzas to seperate want you want to be heard, it makes a thought provoking rea


  • Afe-la
    January 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    thankyou, there probably is many errors, i just made it up today so i could make a contribution to someone. decided i would put it here. Daemon was on purpose, this is a different form of demon and i think is also an old english spelling. thanks agai


  • kennethlaney
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Glad you got gold. This was really good. I was ready to say; "I HOPE THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN TO YOU!" Well Written.
    "BOO"


  • ZachP silver member
    December 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A heartwrenching twist on the picture... very hearttouching and descriptive. Amazing writing!!

    Thank you for entering, and good luck.

1 - 11 of 11