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Subordinate Kingdoms (Submission & Domination)

 

 

Trembling trepidation apprehensive nascency
seemingly alone among deeper rampages,
layered intentions testing ambitious thoughts
emerging chaotic & radically sporadic
quickening eager delight in warning 
an unforeseen carnal campaign to control; 

Perception's palpitation fuels the ignition  
challenging duality against prophetic stain,
a malevolently sewn repentance speaks
purging bittered curiosities & cleansing desires,
surreality boasts asphyxiation choking passion play,
deprived of dependency in darkened symbiosis;

Submissive penance veils dominations yearning,
under shallow skin pagaentries and thin smiles
a stiff devious intention pleads a harder thrust,
sweet salvation of needful pains answered;
the hollow charade fails intensities false reply
to genuflect in subservient volition & revel
the comfort in fear which is confused for love;

Desperation granted it's virtue in climactic reign,
heightened senses quiver within an envious disguise,
souless adaptation beckons a carnal thirst
feeding forced discipline in pleasured gasps;
sinful persuasion of a distinctive preference
poisonous anecdotes of temptation invite sinful fangs,
loss of inhibition silences captive desire appeased;

Lecherous habitual rites brutally satiate,
demanding obsessions to subdue fully
servile flesh controls the release;
physical domination binds loathing to lust,
smiling crimson wounds in rouge harmony
applaud themselves with stinging salt;
Subordinate Kingdoms plant flags in flesh
claiming territory - submission of will.

 

 




 

Author notes

Stanzas 1,3,5,: Grimoire

Stanzas 2,4 : PerfectImperfection

... this poem is about SUBMISSION & DOMINATION

In a list

Please tell me if you think I should omit the punctuation!!

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 34 of 34
  • Jxshakespeer
    March 23
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting, complex, makes me thinking I am playing WoW again.

  • Submissive penance veils dominations yearning,
    under shallow skin pagaentries and thin smiles
    devious intention pleads a harder thrust,
    sweet salvation of needful pains answered;

    i really like this part its so good lots of words i didnt understand but when i reread it it made a little more sence so good job on this love it keep up the good writes

    . Rewarded 4


  • grannyeri gold member
    March 23

    Edit | Reply
    Really great verbiage used in these verses. Just noticed I had already commented on this one a couple of weeks ago...oops.
  • When i first started to reading this ~ I almost started in the analyzing mode ~ Only cause of all the interesting things you put in it ~ I've been taking about 5 of the classes on the AP ~ and learning so much ~ it's interesting when I begin reading a piece and the things i've been learning about start shining through ~ ~ So I stopped ~ and decided to just start reading it ~

    Somehow you've pulled out ~ a intriquing ~ heartpounding piece~ I really enjoyed reading it word for word ~ the combination ~ holds the attention of the reader wanting more ~ poetically well done ~ There are so many lines in both parts i think are so well done ~ ~ I've actually read this like 3 times already ~ again, I think cause it's loaded with so much ~ you keep going back looking for all the interesting things you both have put in this ~

    You and Perfectimperfection did terrific job! thanks for entering the "it takes two" contest ~
  • Wonderful use of words....it kept me interested and i think i found some new words to use...lol...this is a very wonderful write, i absolutely love it!!
    becca

    . Rewarded 4

  • mmmmm sweet and tasty, but my hands are sore now with turning the pages in my dictionary lol ( : cliver use of vocaulary good stuff : )

    . Rewarded 4


  • EarthToJim
    March 10

    Edit | Reply

    In-ter-est-ing 2aDEGREE

    More coherent than a word-dump, but still minimalist in structure, it does give the reader a good lexigraphic workout.

    . Rewarded 4

  • wow, your recognition of the english language is empowered across this write....a great job, and best of luck to you in the contests

  • Mairi bheag gold member
    March 8

    Edit | Reply
    I see a lot of this kind of thing, and I think we are getting dangerously close to it being flogged to death. Still, the lush choice of words makes this one rollick along. Good luck in the contest.

    . Rewarded 4

  • pruedence
    March 7

    Edit | Reply
    Great usage of words! Strung together with a flow of meanings throughout. Well done, thanks for sharing

  • grannyeri gold member
    March 7
    Edit | Reply
    Two working together certainly created an awesome poem with this write. Marvelous words chosen here - always quite the job getting word bank words to fit together and make sense; think you got it here. Some good alliteration in these lines as well.

    . Rewarded 4


    • Grimoire
      March 8
      Edit | Reply
      Word bank? There wasn't any word bank for this COLLABORATION. Thank you for the kind comment, though.
  • good luck in the contest good alliteration/assonance like this the best:"Lecherous habitual rites brutally satiate
    demanding obsessions to subdue fully
    servile flesh controls the release" we all eventually submit to someone's will greater than our own thanks for sharing regards zaj title=good 1st lines=test our thought processes last lines=plant flags of conclusion deep within our flesh

    . Rewarded 8

  • ian sawicki
    March 7

    Edit | Reply
    a good collaboration piece, filled with flowing alliteration, some good dark imagery here used, a good poem.

  • ennovy silver member
    December 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Okay this very well done with a hard erotic feel to the word play. Not to take away from the concept at all; it speaks sex, wild rough and raw to me. "comfort in fear confused for love"

    This is another side of sexual pleasure.....
    My fave lines are:


    "Lecherous habitual rites brutally satiate
    demanding obsessions to subdue fully
    servile flesh controls the release
    physical dominance binds loathing to lust"

    Thanks for entering our contest.........ennovy


  • Brazos silver member
    December 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    I particulary liked...

    the last stanza, however, I'm not sure how this fit with the picture prompt. It seems to be on a tangent.

    It is a nice write though, and one that was deeply appreciated by me.

    Thank you so much for entering our contest.

    Brazos

  • georgie
    December 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    smiling crimson wounds in rouge harmony
    applaud themselves with stinging salt
    subordinate kingdoms plant flags in flesh
    claiming territory - submission of will... love these lines altho personally i would have used fangs instead of flags... thats just me... i have a vamp fetish lol. looking forward to reading more,
    hugs,
    georgie,
    xxx

  • cordova
    December 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    to me.... and me only... only the last stanza made any real sense ... the constant alliteration got to me and i felt disjointed most of the time

    . Rewarded 4


  • cherche -d -ame gold member
    December 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    ps : my clappy button seems to not want to respond and comment does not post when I applaud

    reenie

  • cherche -d -ame gold member
    December 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this collaboration and its depth as well as truth. The only thing I ight want to see change is in stanza five........crimson and rouge mean exactly the same thing. But please do not change on my behalf....it is merely a personal opinion of mine, that I hope no offense will be taken at. It is not meant to do s

    reenie

  • Dalaney gold member
    December 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    quite impressive when two minds
    can collaborate and produce something
    worth reading...Lane


  • Soulful Woman gold member
    December 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This piece was awesome and didnt read like a collaboration at all. The stanza's just continued as if they were written with the same mind and thoughts. Great job with this guys..
    Soulful Woman

    . Rewarded 4


  • DangerousCereal
    December 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    *Blushes* Oh, my!! "Perceptions palpitation fuels ignition
    challenging duality against prophetic stain" *fans self* "Desperation granted virtue in climactic reign
    heightened senses quivering envious disguise
    souless adaptation beckons carnal thirst
    feeding discipline in pleasured gasp
    sinful persuasion of distinctive preference
    starving the anecdote to temptation
    inhibition silences captive desire appeased"
    *passes out* Woah.... this was intense!!! Very real, and the flow was really good, you dont always get that in a collaboration!! Way to go!!


  • SerenityNChains
    December 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful duet you two have sung here. I applaud you both, separate and together. Simply fantastic!!!

    Blessed be,
    Billie Jean


  • Todays Poem Box
    December 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    ha ha sorry didn't realized i was logged as todays poem, my bad

  • Todays Poem Box
    December 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i agree with mark, there is a seamless transition between your stanza's with a nice build up to the end.

    heightened senses quivering envious disguise
    souless adaptation beckons carnal thirst
    feeding discipline in pleasured gasp

    these lines stood out to me since i had a very....mmhmm...interesting weekend ha ha.

    great work you two

    Tasha


  • markgrif gold member
    December 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is seamless. I feel the building steam until the end. All tied up nicely with - submission of will. The vocabulary used was just awesome.
    You two did a great job with this expression. An erotica for the higher senses.


  • Menace gold member
    December 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Although "big" words confuse me as well, this piece make me think and even research... that is what poetry is supposed to do. Good job on not just writing a greeting card!


  • MissStranger
    December 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    hmmmm....I'm not sure how to better describe this poem: by saying something,anything or nothing at all...it gives me(still) shivers down my spine.it has something in the attitude and in these word-combinations that's absolutely devouring.is "splendid" a word strong enought?!anyway,PerfectImperfection is a poet dear to me.And as far as i can see from here both of your styles go hand in hand.well done indeed!Bravo!

    . Rewarded 8


  • penman gold member
    December 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Unique

    Personally, I didn't find the vocabulary to be too heavy, but then it is something I enjoy. I sense this is about inner desires. And you divide into two groupings. As if there is an inner struggle going on. It is a very deep and abstract reflection that might be missed at first read. The ending says is all, submission of will. This seems more of a inward quest that a destination.


  • Animarising
    December 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Yes, I tried to enjoy it and I love interetsing word choices and language but I'm afraid I got very bogged down in the vocabulary. It feels very random in places and therefore almost impossible to follow in a single reading (which is all most people will give it I guess).
    I would recommend an editing job and some simplification...

  • Lord Merlynn
    December 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    hhmmmmm, its a very interesting piece. I myself found it kind of hard to read, all the "big words" kinda took the flow of the piece away. But, thats just my opinion. Other than that, I found it pretty intense, and overall, I liked it.
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