In a new world of hope,
lust, pain, and disgust,
and hatred for our fathers mistakes
We take the dried up silence,
trying to remake and strive
for new ways to perfect our lives
Out comes the crawling noise,
a spiritual void, growing tired,
by far, of reinventing who we are
Tenuous teachers teach,
preach and petal their own opinions,
making a clear decision to infect
their derision upon unfortunate
souls too ignorant to know
how and what life should be
We calmly set free in-flight
with open ears and eyes shut tight
Wild is the child
who stands out of line and laughs
at on coming traffic
He is martyred for thinking
he could be different from his father
He is bothered by the normalcy
of normal men depending on a god
to end their suffering,
to bring some light to illuminate
their darkness.
Then heartlessly destroy
any man who walks the path above them
By a man who thinks of love
as letting a woman into his heart
by buying her affection
What he thought was love,
was rejection
when she asks him to use protection
cause, she's not ready to settle down
Life is life, no matter who's in charge
of large misconceptions in every day reflections
Of who we should or should not be
Our own worst enemy
A contest entry
- For the love of god CONFUSE ME by h202.
450 points, ended February 10, 2008, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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i like this. but it could be better. throughout the whole thing i was thinking that you could say the same things much briefer and in doing so actually increase the potential for numerous credible interpretations to the piece. i don't actually think all of it needs to be shorter, and maybe shorter is really the wrong way to put it. perhaps sharper? i like it all, and the last stanza is my favorite, though i didn't really like the title because it's a pretty well know idea, being our own worst enemy. but for some reason it caught me at the end and i liked it. thanks for entering
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This poem has a lot of truth in it. This is rare in poetry or expression for that matter, these days. I appreciated this stanza:
He is bothered by the normalcy
of normal men depending on a god
to end their suffering,
to bring some light to illuminate
their darkness.
Then heartlessly destroy
any man who walks the path above them
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Wonderful
a great satire on life....like it...
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really good
very true, the teacher part. i loves the lines
"Wild is the child
who stands out of line and laughs
at on coming traffic"
brilliant, really excellently written. & also, the last line has alot of power behind it, very good overall!
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VeryAwesome!
You do some deep thinking. I'm a thinker too, well, perhaps an analyzer...I MUST analyze! lol! Life is life...of course...and because it is life we have many life lessons to learn while we abide here on this planet for just awhile. Pam
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In a word: profound. You should practice reading this on video with a lot of emotion, almost like a slam poetry thing, but much deeper, then submit it to AP or any other on line venue. This is a brilliant heart's labor you've written here my friend.
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Choices: Make the world better, keep on keeping on or quit and just let it all go to hell. Perhaps even worse we try harder and screw up more. When we wake up to all of it, we stagger under the burden and reel at all the chances to go wrong. Denile runs deeper than any river and so in the end we just keep praying and hoping that the direction we are in is forward. Perhaps it is hardest to figure out where we are going because most of the time we don't know where we are. Even if we know that this life is but a lesson and when we learn we move on --
we are always at the effect and affect of the events and can be moved to tears at any moment. Part of being in touch with everything is in our acceptance of our own humanity, not as an excuse but simply as the fact it is. The poem -- neither as clear or concise as you want it to be. In some ways that matters little, for you will hammer against the wall of your own ignorance until you break through or fall into darkness.
Peace & Light
Tom B.
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Well, I would have never really thought of seeing it as you speak of. I was actually speaking of the hypocrisy of one who does'nt think for themselves and being caught in the ever-so vicious cycle of an unfulfilling life. Maybe I need to go back and make my point much more "clear and concise".lol
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Generally I see hypocrisy not as an act of commision but more of omision, ignorance and laziness. Many are hypocrites for letting others speak for them. Again it is always about the choices we make and the story we tell with our life.
Art is always the balance of not telling to much so you are not blatant, trite and insulting to your audience, but on the other hand not being so obscure as to become confusing or undecipherable. It is the balance that one way or another we all struggle with at times.
Best of luck.
Peace,
Tom B.
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this is brilliant. great, great write on this poem. the message is pure heart, and brilliance abounds in each word. well done my dear.
xx amy michelle
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the message is good but it sounded a little forced. Over all the flow is pretty good...but the structure could use some work. I like it thought. =)
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I like the message
Just sometimes, it seemed the rhyme was forced, and the structure fluctuated.
"In a new world of hope,
lust, pain, and disgust,
and hatred for our fathers mistakes"
I would switch pain and disgust so that the long "a" sound in pain gives mistakes something to relate to. -
wow i really like this...it really touched me
great write
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gahhh...ahhhh... i love it!!
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I get what you're saying and I love the poem. Great write.
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Being yourself seems to be easier than being a reinvention. I enjoyed the flow of your poem.
"Tenuous teachers teach,
preach and petal their own opinions,
making a clear decision to infect
their derision upon unfortunate
souls too ignorant to know
how and what life should be"
I'd like to think that teachers/preachers/etc would take a proactive stance in not subjecting/forcing their students to accept/'live by' their personal outlook, that they would lead their students to make up their own mind, but more often than not, this is not the case...for control you want lemmings.
Highly opinionated in my opinion; heh But easy to agree with in many areas.
-Steve
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I think you generalize a little to much here. Many who believe in God do not approach faith blindly or foolishly, and do not step on those who believe differently. We go through years of questioning, of at least some study, times of defiance also.
Sometimes I understand that to make a point and write succinctly one has to simplify, and even generalize. But please don't demonize all because of what some do or think.
Oh, I sure hope I am different from my father.
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I don't know exactly why, but I kept getting a rap tune as I read and when I came to the end it just fit there like a last puzzle piece. Lots of teachers, (my husband is one; he teaches in a youth prison.) lots of preachers and all we can do is decide what to believe and build a good life accordingly. Or we can choose to reject everything we hear because we don't like authority and just ... run out in front of a car as the poem says. Sometimes the choices are hard.
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This is totally what I am feeling RIGHT now. It is amazing and sooooo tru
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this is good
may be better if spaced more sides that its awsome -
this is a really good write. thanks for sharing this.
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i like this....very deep and yes i think most of us can agree that sometimes we are our own worst enemy
great job and plzz return the favor
Much Luv
♥kaila♥
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you have a voice in poetry
that we need to listen to...
this is a very intriguing
write - i like to think after
i read, and you've made me
think on this one.
Lane XX
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wow
this poem is so very good keep up with the good work.Hey you should check out some of my work. -
Wow, I really love this. It seems discontent is the one thing we all have in common these days. No one is happy with what they have, and always want what others have...while those others want what someone else has. We all need to be responsible for our own happiness.
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Very deep thoughts you have penned here... I really love this!!! You did an astounding job.... If only more people could truly understand and realize the truth behind your last stanza.....
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I love this
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