Darkness all about me
consuming every thing.
consuming my fear that
i have had so long.
consuming my hate that
threatens 2 kill all.
consuming my pain that
has made me so strong.
consuming all that is
the goodness of life.
consuming all that is
evil in this here world.
please won't you join
the place of darkness.
there is nothing 2 fear
in this darkness that consumes.
so come be consumed with me.
A contest entry
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689 points, ended December 15, 2007, 29 entries
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Sometimes I think that repeating the word makes for a stronger impact ~ this is an interesting write ~ I did enjoy reading it ~ there are many things in our life we allow to comsume us ~ if you really take the time to think about it ~ some folks its the internet ~ or video games ~ or someone else and the attention we give ~ So many times as I think of the parts of my life that are consumed ~ swallowed ~ without the chance to resist ~ how do you?
You're poem makes people think ~ Thanks so much for entering the set the bar contest ~ I do appreciate you sharing your work with me ~ best of luck to you! -
the reppition of consuming almost enhcants the reader, nice write, and good luck in all the contests, lol =)
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Nicely written.
Quite short, but that's good. -
A suggestion, i would combine some of of them lines together, without it, it sounds choppy. It was pretty good Sadly i must DQ you for not following my rules.
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this is very emotional. it flows well and I truly apprciate your sharing thanks and good luck
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this is great! i can really feel this one. ive been there so often its unbelievable... where youve been hurt so much that you cant take another thing... anyway, great job on this and best of luck in this contest!
~rocklover91 -
You rpoem is lovely..
for me, i interpreted it as though you've reached a stage where you let life just run and no longer seem to care about it as it just engulfs all thats there and its better just to go with the flow
I really liked the repetition in your piece.. the flow and structure is imaginative
Thank you for entering the contest..xXx -
Emotional, definitely. The 2 thing does bother me... but that's just my opinion. In other words, this is a pretty good piece. Keep writing.
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I dislike the use of '2' rather than 'to', but perhaps you wrote it that way for some deep poetic effect beyond my comprehension.
I think this is a very emotional piece, and, to me, seems hopeful.. as if we can be consumed by darkness and everything will be fine.. I like it.
Thanks For Entering. -
no idea what its aboot but ok darkness blah blah all that crap
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This is really spoken with great heart and soul.Your words were chose perfectly and it was easy to realate to and follow exactly the way you were thinking and or feeling.I would suggest that you change the backround on this though but the rest is really good.You should enter it in a contest.
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