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Once...


I once had a heart.
I know I felt it beat.
I felt it leap with joy
And weep with sorrow.

But I don’t feel it anymore.

I once had a dream.
I remember it was sweet.
I felt such expectation.
I felt its essence.

But I don’t feel it anymore.

I once had hope.
I know I felt it glow.
I felt it full of wonder,
I hungered for tomorrow.

But I don’t feel it anymore.

I feel nothing.


Patricia Gibson-Little

Author notes

This is a prewrite.  I never came up with a title for it so if anyone has a suggestion let me know.

Patti
Written October 26th, 2003

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Leance
    November 29, 2003
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    Very sad write.......I have often not felt anything and it is such a hard emotion to deal with.......The feeling of complete emptiness and being swallowed......It is truly sad but better days to come out.......I still battle here and there but it has become less as I hope yours has.....Very depthful and emotional.......Nice
    writing.......Lisa

  • B-man
    November 28, 2003
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    I liked how the poem has a regular structure but not not a regular rhyme scheme. That would have made it too much like greeting card verse (not that I have anything against greeting card verse - it has its place... but if I got a greeting card that expressed this sentiment, I would be worried.). As for a title, how about "I Once Had"? Or maybe "Lost" (as in lost your heart, lost your dreams, lost hope, and generally feeling lost)?


  • November 9, 2003
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    title suggestion?
    "don't feel it anymore"
    the repetition of this line
    was so compelling
    think it would also make a good title


  • Samplette gold member
    November 8, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    "I don't feel it any more"
    Strong powerful and so lonely.
    Great write.
    Sam

  • Sib-I-No-Kin
    November 5, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Well written, I enjoyed reading it! I think the title you have suits the poem pretty well actually. Good luck in the contest!
    Edited on Nov 05, 7:25 p.m. because 'Dang typo's'.


  • Ava Noire silver member
    October 30, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Blood splattered words reveal your sorrow or perhaps the sorrow you used to feel. Hopefully it is all in the past now. feeling empty is awful.


  • Marcellus
    October 29, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Feeling Nothing! Really sums it up. I love the three aspect, echoing the same tune. The structure is rigid and break, perfectly suited.
    Good luck.
    Marcellus

  • BlazingSwords
    October 26, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Hrm... I'm never good at thinking up titles for poems..

    Anyway, it was good, the kind of thing I was looking for. Thanks for entering, and much luck to ya

    -Heather

1 - 8 of 8