I sold my sterling slippers of solid silver soul
And traded my childhood dreams of lace and leather,
Bid Farewell to my fearful fractal feelings
For the long foretold road of gold
Found reflected in a gaze as old as coal
Struck alight in the glow of anticipation.
Then in full foreknowledge that every great fall
Follows the switchblade flick of a single slender ankle
A forked tongue foreshadows lightning
When the heartbeat strikes midnight.
Depravations of definitions writhe in flames
Of dancing demons dreams
And the passions of the moment
Concealed and obscured the means
To divine the plaintive pleas
For salvation in creation
Of the knowing, foreknown, or not to be known
So still, it remained unspoken…
When the word became the world.
Author notes
This is an inkblot poem, which means hopefully everybody will read it a little bit differently. Don't get hung up on an image, it's just there to create a feeling. And there are no right or wrong answers. For me it was inspired by the idea that nothing is random and that before action comes intent - both on a divine and physical level. The 'word' that becomes the 'world', for me, might be slightly akin to 'desire', 'faith', 'courage' and 'love'. In divining the word for yourself, you might ask yourself what drove God to create the universe, or for eastern thinkers what drove the Spirit to become matter and energy or less metaphysically what drives a child to set aside childish things and eventually become a parent. For as surely as no inkblot has a wrong answer you are going to be right, and I'm betting that 'the word' is a common part of your being even if it has no proper spelling or pronunciation.
Rainbows,
~RJ~
(regrettably, this is written from a male perspective as it's the only one I have... ladies might substitute some similar image for the switchblade flick of a slender ankle as it might relate to their relationship with men)
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Somehow this leads me to think on the thoughts of a dancer who has decided to pursue dance as a path of self expression, leaving behind the realm of prescribed dance.
It's somewhat confusing to me, this being an inkblot poem. I like some of the phrases, wordings, like "fearful fractal feelings" (seems like it would flow better as "fractal fearful feelings"), "heartbeat strikes midnight", and "reflected in a gaze as old as coal" (could probably omit the first "as").
"plaintive pleas" feels pretty trite within this very unusual and freshly worded poem. Clearly, you're alliterating intentionally, but perhaps there's an alternative, like "pliant", "placental" or "plangent" (dug through adjectives starting with "pl" in my OED to come up with those three ideas).
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excellent
your imagery and phrasing are awesome..the flow is wonderful..love the last lines of the last stanza..of the knowing, foreknown, or not to be known..God works in mysterious ways..well said...wonderful write..thanx for sharing..
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I admit, the slender ankle threw me in the wrong direction too. I was thinking a femme fatale and I guess another kind of fall from innocence. I also associated the forked tongue more to female duplicity I guess.
I've had the benefit of Mariza's explanation of this poem, so I will say that the ankle is indeed an enticement, literal, or metaphoric (Original sin, etc) and with our temptation for it, much innocence (of youth?) is lost.
I like to think of the word being more of a line, "Bite the apple." Ok I'll stop, I'm re-creating your poem into my shape.
I must admit, even after her explanation I'm still a little lost, which isn't anything new for me, lol.
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I should have noticed that the forked tongue was a reference to the tempting snake...the first step to lose innocence. Lust, passion, pain and pleasure, all together to create THE word. The original sin being the beginning of all creation.
Still keep my opinion about the slender ankle though, it could easily be a hairy ankle as well.
Well done R!
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I don't know how to respond to this poem because I don't understand what is being said. I've read it several times and I don't get it.
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Paramount
I am very impressed. There are lot of people here that think they are poets and you're not one of those people. You ARE a poet. This piece is excellent. Great vocabulary without being to complicated, excellent flow and imagery so profound it would make all the old, dead poets jealous.
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AWESOME
this is a really great poem! awesome job! -
This flows very well, and the rhyming and imagery are very pleasing. I'm not entirely sure I know how to interpret some parts of it, but overall it has a very nostalgic air. So many things we give up, as we supposedly grow.
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WOW
This is an amazing poem!it really makes you think of what the world is really like.Great job. -
Couldn't be happier to see a new poem on your page!
Let me start talking about the package.
The rhythm is absolutely pleasant, with the alliterations working very well, and the rhymes giving a melodic cadence to the verses.
Susean hears taking chances, I see just the opposite. I see fear remained from the first fall. Sin and lust making a pleasurable night, but not meant to be kept in one's life. Better not speak than to have the wrong the word inserted in the right world.
Your poem caught me by surprise, I'm just awake and probably with dreams still in mind, but that is what I read, and doesn't matter what we see anyway, when you know what it's there.
Your words aren't longer stuck between your finger and your pen. A wonderful release
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Very deep! I'm not entirely sure how to comment on this. I hear taking chances,telling shades of truths,feelings of disillusionment all tied to maybe "the word" of traditional religion.Sorry if that's way off topic.I'm trying to comprehend and read it twice. It's oceans deep in expressions,And it's important that I know. Because it intrigues me so much.~Suseann
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