Quixotically toxic clocks ticktock to talk the time
Capricious reaches 'round num'rals rumoring rhyme
hours, some devoured cowards, others our chocolaty chime
Petty spaghetti of Get Ready, the minutes steady
Work while berserk, worth a berserk while, Freddy?
'Round curves and jerks, swiftly swerve and Yer Sweaty
'Neath it's teeth of wreath, knelt our nest of digested rest
Minutes to months, mazing the phrasing, phases only guessed
Place your palms calmly on the tocktick under my chest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Lovely, lovely, lovely
The scansion is lovely. Absolutely lovely. Your work with rhyme is breathtaking. However, I have a bit of a problem with the syllabic difference between:
"Quixotically toxic clocks ticktock to talk the time" and
"Capricious reaches 'round num'rals rumoring rhyme"
But other than that slight imperfection, and probably a silly manifestation of my hypercriticism, I love this. Wonderful - I am quite jealous of your musicality.
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don't you mean the scanScion?
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haha... I have yet to see the fabled car.
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This is edible. Your sense of cadence is really developing Dave- this poem writhes, wrangles, and wraps its way into the last line. My only suggestion would be to make "rumoring" "Rum'ring" that way it melts off the num'rals...
fantastic work.
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