Nips and tucks

I wish I had the money
To buy some nips and tucks
Then I could be quite wrinkle free
But I dont have the bucks

I've tried exercise and diets
Creams and lotion by the jar
High carb and counted calories
Drank stuff that was bizarre

Liposuction I'll consider
On these ham hock thighs
Then I'll always eat a salad
With my burger and fries

I want to tighten all this skin
And these bags beneth my eyes
My nose is growing every day
I'll need a smaller size

I also want my cheeks enhanced
They use some silicone
Or plastic if they need to
I just dont have cute bones

And lift my brows and forehead
Just until I look surprised
Then they can start on both my ears
They've grown very oversized

Oh yes, I must remember
Next thing is my belly
Not that it is over large
It just wobbles like a jelly

I guess its all a pipe dream
So I'll start another diet
This time I wont tell anyone
I'll do it on the quiet