Blood splattered like paint
across the canvas of the soul -
tainting all with sweet decay.
Flowers crumble into nothing
as the fields turn to gray.
Ashes of nothingness drift
across the vast, endless void,
whispering torments as each memory dies.
Pure hearts are ripped and torn
by each of their black lies.
Cut and bleeding with pain and sorrow,
their lives are standing still -
they look to the darkness to heal.
Crying out silently in the midnight,
tainted by all they feel.
A contest entry
- Snap! A contest of relative quickness by Annalise.
400 points, ended December 3, 2007, 3 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critique?
Comments
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Suggestion: "ashes of nothingness drift" - I think it would hold the same meaning with 'ashes of nothing' instead of nothingness, and would condense that line down a bit. Nothingness is a bit of a mouthful.
This is a nice poem you have here.
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I love this. It has a great form to it and I love the very subtle rhyme... which is weird because I usually hate rhyming poems...
If I can make one suggestion though... I think iit would help make the poem flow better is that the line where it says: "whispering torments as they die" may be it would be best if was changed to "whispering torments as each of them DIES" then it would rhyme more with the "lies" in the next stanza...
Just a suggestion though.. otherwise great poem
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