Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Revenge

Army boy
trapped by the war
his mind is full
of fallen heroes
bloodbaths and trenches
he stumbles upon
a quiet wood

Army boy
stumbles through
looking for a place
of peace
he finds a girl
enjoying the sun
bathing in a quiet pond

She is a beauty
red ribbons
holding together
a boquet of blond curls
she reminds him
of his love
far away in Tennesee

Army boy's mind
begins to turn
a chance to get back
at Europe
for taking so much
from him
darker thoughts
creep into his head
a personal battle
where he cannot win

She sees him staring
and covers herself
wonders about
this tired soldier
looking into her eyes
and beautiful frauline
has no idea
she has never known
anything but innocence
she has never known
the horrors of war





A contest entry

Give me a critical thought.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Ariosto II. gold member
    December 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Good poem!
    very bold and direct
    in spite of it's free form and content there is almost a sing-song rhythm here.

    thanks for entering!


  • just mercedes gold member
    December 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    the horrors of war are all there in the last four lines of the fourth stanza. War is only people, doing things to each other that they think are excused or permitted by the situation. You have set this poem out like a stage setting, introducing the actors, but leaving out the final act. It works well, calling for audience participation.


  • Twisted Fairy
    December 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Not at all what I was expecting. When I looked at the title, I was expecting something filled with venom and anger.

    I suppose it's a different and more crude kind of revenge. But then, for what crime has been committed? What is the revenge for? It is for fighting in the war?


  • Grunts Girl gold member
    December 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    interesting write that leaves the reader pondering at the end...
    reminds me that there are sheep and sheep hearders in the world and one takes care of the other because the other shouldnt have to deal with it...

    a nice protection in this within the army boys inner struggle.
    thank you for this entry


    • Scion
      December 7, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the comment. I don't know if it's what you were looking for.. all the grit and all. But I tried to make you kind of rear back in disgust, really. Hope you liked it.

  • PersuingHappyness
    December 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my gawd, oh no he didn't lol...

    oh wow this is great. I throughly detest war and wish that it never has to happen.... but sadly it does... turning wonderful people into ones that have lost their hearts and their minds... you have portrayed this so nicley.

1 - 6 of 6