When all men are against you,
Yet you know that you are right
When you know that they dismiss you
Yet you stand your ground and fight
When you're steady as supporter
But don't take all on trust
If you are honest as reporter
And you say the things you must
When all your dreams are broken
And they now cannot come true
When you've heard the libels spoken
And know they're aimed at you
When all that you've created
Is taken and misused
When all the truths you've stated
Lie broken and abused
When you take a chance and lose it all
And never blame another
When you meet the man who caused your fall
And treat him like a brother
When you give your love completely
And you see it tossed away
When you murmur most discretely
And politely look away
When you don't give ground to rotten fools
Or bow before a star
When you build your life with honest tools
When you know the man you are
When all these things are in you
When you stand to face the world
When you show all men what you can do
And your banner is unfurled
When all men are glad they've found you
Then you know the battle's won
When peace and love surround you
You are a man, my son
A contest entry
- Can You Write like Service, Kipling or Noyes by ecrivain01.
1900 points, ended December 22, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please comment below. Spelling or rhyming or scanning corrections welcome.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Excellent Writing
Here in this Contest I know I am reading among the GREATS. Jeff, I don't know the rules of cricket, but I do recognize great poetry like yours.
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Wow.
Worth the wait. How about grammar corrections? Second stanza, line 2. "Yet not take all on trust" doesn't seem right. I don't know if it is tenses or what, But it seems like you're in one tense with it and in a different tense with the resst of the poem. Try putting 'don't' in instead of not. Either that or, 'not taking'. Does that make sense? -
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Re-reading you are right I also feel the third yet was a bit much so changed it to but don't. Thank-you for pointing it out.
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wonderful job here. Best wishes, I think you did a great job carrying it out and i do angree to many different ways to keep up with. I dont even try.
Tory
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Interesting rewrite ...
you might want to fix the first stanza. Rhyming "right" with "right" is a very weak opening for this. Try:
Yet you fight for what is right (Yet you persevere and fight)
or something similar.
Are Reporters honest? Perhaps if they really are reporters, and not propagandists. Listen Fox Propaganda and you'll find that many "reporters" are just shills for a political ideology and have no clue at all about honesty.
This is not bad, but it does seem to be more of a rewrite of "If" than a new poem in the style of "If". That said, there are some very good lines in this.
This seems to call for someone to be almost superhuman in their response to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, although I am sure Jesus would have approved of it. "If" called for high ethics but it didn't ask for anything contrary to human nature. This almost says be better than human, and I'm not sure that's possible for most people. Perhaps Ghandi might have achieved that, or Mother Teresa, but in the main, I doubt many others can manage it.
Anyway, it's a good write overall.
Thnaks for entering.
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I had rewritten that in my head and my eyes lied to me about having changed it on the screen!
Yes it is a rewrite, in a sense it is rather hard to write in Kipling's style because he has so many! I've always though that if set totally impossible standards. "When you are honest as reporter" is not meant to mean that reporters are honest but that when you report you do so honestly, not many who are employed as reporters report at all!
If you have now allowed multiple entries I'll put the other back too. I am also working on a way through the woods style poem, which is much less a rewrite however the fist version turned out to be a completely Jeff style poem so I am redoing it. -
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Kipling's style.
I think a lot of people are missing the boat on that. What I mean is, "Write with good rhyme and solid meter; in good (Kipl)inglish and tell an interesting tale within that context. I don't mean, "Write a parody." -
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I know what you mean, and I have tried to do it but am finding that although rhyme and metre come easily without a definite aim they just look like mine.
There is something extra in Kipling, but it changes with the voice he is sing, often voice of the common soldier who sees that all is not right but believes in Empire and the superiority of England in everything, or a sort of wistful nostalgia.
When I get one right I'll enter it. Meanwhile for perfect rhyme, strong metre and perfect story look at http://allpoetry.com/poem/3643564 sadly not by me.
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