I am the river that pushes the raft
the zeal of a kiss that ignites your soul
smoldering your fears and frets
diamond-delicate, holding you together
I am Woman.
Author notes
29 words! I like this contest prompt!
A contest entry
- Gender Contest by pozo.
520 points, ended December 14, 2007, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I like it. It really emphasizes the importance of a woman in the lives of others. One suggestion: you could change the "I'm the river that pushes the raft" to "I AM the river that pushes the raft"
It might coincide with the ending sentence better, and it will still be under 30 words. -
bravo!veeeery well penned!good luck in the contest!
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thank you so much.
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Intresting write - usually the subject would be something like "I'm a woman and screw you men" but this is different, mopre like "I'm your woman and I keep you going" in a sweet way. Lovely
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lol, yeah I see a lot of those "screw-you-men" poems.
Thanks for the comment!
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I think this poem expresses your pride in being women.
"I’m diamond-durable, holding you together
I am woman...the tiger I release into you."
Really strong, strong, heart warming verses. Acknowleging this poem is in a contest where gesters is key, the reasoning of the poem being short is due to the contest rules I'm sure. By the title I can tell that you have pride in yourself, as a women. I don't believe you need to work on repharasing and there was not any ackward area in this, so recomending suggestions in that area is not neccary. I would like ton see the poem longer because the poem was so short yet so good. I find the background soothing, calming, and a vibrant addition to this piece.
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read this!
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Good piece here, I like the use of metaphor. Thanks for entering
All the best
Pozo
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yeah, sorry about the editing, I hope that doesn't mess with anything!
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Hey! I was really tired when I wrote this last night. But I hope it's okay that I edited it just a little!
THANKS!
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