My heart felt a tremble and a quake
And starved was my sleeping soul
When from the rose I lowered to take
A sip of dew which to my lips did roll
And through my body its life did rush
To bless me with its lively blush.
Then a dandalion's weightless wispy seed
Gently brushed an eyelash from my cheek
Which then landed near a towering weed
Upon a clover of four that many would seek
And so all my worries were then crushed
And all whispering doubts were then hushed.
Gazing at the gray-blue sky, breathing in its air
I sighed and savored my candy-sweet thought-
For what realization could have been so fair?
All seemed to bloom at the words I wrought,
"Life needs hope to continually thrive,
And hope in life can then survive."
A contest entry
- BEAUTIFUL life changing, powerful and thought provoking. by SeptemberFaith.
450 points, ended December 23, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I like this. I didnt really get the metephors though. I do however, understand the last two lines and I agree. =)
Criss -
I much enjoyed this verse of yours. The imagery was great, and it rolled beautifully when read aloud.
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" And so all my worries were then crushed
And all whispering doubts were then hushed."
That is life changing, and as if that were not enough you had "candy-sweet thoughts".
What's left to say,except magnificent.
Best of luck in the contest.
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Very interesting.
I loved the way in which you incorporated the rose and the dandalion in this piece. Your rhyme is well done and your thoughts come through very clear. Your title is perfect for this for we all hope to survive. There is only one correction that I would make and that is in the last verse the second line instead of putting an (s) on the end of (thoughts) I would leave it off for then it would go with (wrought) much better. Otherwise this is truely wonderful and I wish you the very best in this contest.
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This is a great message of hope.Your imagry was good I could picture it perfectly.You chose your words well and did a great job!
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Simply beautiful
And such wisdom in this wonderful piece of poetry. The flow & words are magnetic. Well done dear poet
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