Chained up,
And locked away,
Behind the bars of her heart.
Shoved into the corner
Of things long forgotten.
Waiting to be put to use.
It’s been a while
Since they’ve been priorities.
But the key to the cell
Is right there,
Clearly in her reach.
Though she dares not set them free:
She’s waiting, waiting,
For someone to revive
Her poor prisoners.
After years of destruction
And critical comments
She pushed them aside
And gave up on them.
But now there’s a hole
In the center of her soul
Of where her captives
Once dwelled.
It has not been filled since,
And nothing has the potential to do so.
For her prisoners were everything to her:
The forthcoming and the future,
Purpose and her passion.
Shattered by those with little faith
Who never succeeded themselves.
One by one they advised
To let got and to move on.
All, all but one.
He was the one
That held the spare key,
The key that unlocked
The depths of her soul,
And he saw it fit to release
Her simple desire
That she could not fulfill by herself.
So he unlocked the door
And they flew out
Never again to be confined.
They invaded her heart
And gave her a will,
To fight and ignore the comments
And to start again.
Her purpose revived
Her passion survived,
And her dreams became reality.
A contest entry
- Paying it forward by MysticalRayne.
450 points, ended December 12, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What improvements need to be made in order for readers to be able to relate better?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I like it. Especially the last three lines. But the fifth to last hits me the wrong way.
"To fight and ignore the comments."
What comments? Comments from whom? You do mention "critical comments," but they do not readily connect in my mind. I have to go back and search for a connection.
But other than that, it all flows. Nice job. -
This is excellent - wonderful imagery and it keep me reading wanting to know more..... Good luck
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I think your wording is wonderful! So full of emotion and depth - and so much truth. Reads nicely...I wouldn't change anything.
It's so true in life that we all have that 'spot' where we lock away our fears, our dreams, our hopes. And there is someone who holds the key to unlock that spot - if someone is lucky enough to meet that person.
I like this.
. Rewarded 6
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Anyone who has dreamed can relate
For this is an excellent expression about the nay sayers there are so many of and the dreamers and their champions of whom there are few.
Bravo to you and your champion. What a loss if you didn't write.
Tecohe
. Rewarded 4
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I like this...its very nice
If I were going to change anything (which oftentimes I don't) I would probably either decide if i wanted it to rhyme or not.....in some parts of this it does, theres a defined rhythm, and then it switches and theres more flow. That's my humble opinion. It is a very pretty piece, great work!
. Rewarded 6
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Interesting. I like it the way it is. but that just me. i dont usually touch/change a poem after i've written it. unless for spelling or grammatical errors. but its really good
keep writing and God Bless,
Katie
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