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Splintered.

 

Before my eyes hate will always unfold,

childhood is something I'll never behold. 

 

Broken, torn and decayed,

my innocence; you invade.

 

Cold hands reaping my frail body;

splintered wings hold all my agony.

 

Beating me until all was stained red,

swiftly years go by, nothing ever said.

 

Battered and dirty,

I hate the real me. 

 

The one that smashes the mirrors, and grits her teeth,

hates the monster looking back, disgust runs underneath. 

 

A failure, nothing but a mistake,

destroyed, silently she will break.

 

She tells herself everything will be fine,

but everyone knows that's another lie. 

 

Tell yourself they did not touch you,

and suffocate your entire purity too. 

 

Keep believing you are not a whore,

because little girls do not go for more.

 

Tell yourself it wasn't rape;

your body they didn't tape.

 

The blood was just all in your head,

they didn't want to leave you dead. 

 

Swimming in razors, looking for relief,

clawing at my dignity, leaving only grief.

 

In my life, people always came and went,

hoping for care, only to find I'm discontent. 

 

Abandoned; everyday of my life;

like bruises, adding layers of strife. 

 

Just another victim; abused,

even if I continously refused.

 

Now I stand here living it all again,

wondering when my hell will end...

Author notes

Option 1, 5 and 9. It's about the abuse I've faced in my life and continue to face. Wondering if it'll ever end and basically just trying to block it like it never happened.

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A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • NightBreaker
    April 22

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    after the nectar of your love poems, this deeper more life-like savor is beyong amazing. It was like a rare steak after a few days of straight cotton candy. I never even realize you're rhyming until the end; and that, blooming poet, is the best kind.

  • Hovels 2
    August 19, 2008
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    So, this is my second comment and this comment will be about the poem, itself. I promise that I will make this shorter.

    POINTS FOR THE FOLLOWING
    - For following rules.
    - I like the rhyme and flow.
    - Your wording. The words you have choosen really paint a picture of how much you suffered.
    - I really like the title. I love it, actually.
    - This entire poem is very strongly written.

  • Hovels 2
    August 17, 2008

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    For Comfort Zone Contest

    Wow, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I was raped, also. So, I know how it feels. It's physcially, mentally, and emotionally effecting.

    I don't know exactly your situation, but if you are still in that situation, you need to get out of it, as soon as possible. You shouldn't be living in a life, where you get raped. And I know for a fact, it's not just rape that you are experiencing. So, you are dealing with a lot more than just rape. Not that rape alone, isn't enough. You have to tell someone. For your own well-being, you have to. Tell someone you trust, like an adult that can help you. Get professional help from social services. Call the police, if you have to. If it's your parents doing this, get emancipated. Which is divorcing yourself from your parents. You don't have to go through this. There are ways of getting out.

    If you stay there, you are just giving them what they want. If you stay there, you are allowing them to destroy you.

    Everyone deserves a chance to live, you do too. Everyone deserves a chance to be happy, you do too.

    If you did escaped this and it's the memories that still haunt you, it's going to take time to move on from something like this. You never truly move on, but if you got out of the situation, you have a better chance of life. You have a better chance of doing better for yourself and being in a better srrounding. It's going to be hard, especially when you are building relarionship with new people, but it's worth it. When you actually find people that are not trying to hurt you and accept you for all the past experiences. Try to pick up the pieces of you and put them back together, the best way you can. That's the hard part. That will take years and probably help from others. Like close friends, maybe professioal, such as therapy. But, its worth it.

    The first step, is to get out of that situation. You said you were still experiencing abuse, so please for the love of yourself, please get out of that situation, as soon as possible. I know it's scary, but you derserve better than that.

    Good Luck!




  • Christina-is-crazy
    June 18, 2008
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    Haha where i have person, i ment poem lol

  • Christina-is-crazy
    June 18, 2008

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    Wow this is an amazing person, its got so much emotion, thanks for entering my contest, and good luck
    ♥ Christina


  • Strify
    June 18, 2008
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    That was amazing!


  • Puking Faerie Dust gold member
    June 10, 2008
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    hehe I already commented on this, so you know what I have to say. Lovely, thanks for entering sweety


  • takemypainaway
    February 22, 2008
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    this is very good

    your emotion is strong and real

    i know cutting is a reilf ad sometimes my arms still

    burn for the feeling of the blade...(i am an xcutter)

    but its not the way confide yourself in a less harsh

    and you will be stronger than ever...

    amazing poem

    thank you for entering the contest...

    and making my pic look so good

    --kat


  • VanGoghNights
    December 6, 2007

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    *cries*

    So sad and intense! I really love this so much..I felt every word...you definently bared your soul and thank you so much! I hope you can find the strength to open you broken wings and fly far away from pain and fear
    Savina


  • Never Fall in Love
    December 3, 2007

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    Swimming in razors, looking for relief,
    clawing at my dignity, leaving only grief.

    That was amazing and all it does is just make my contest all the more harder to judge. I gave you a dark prompt so i'm hoping you had no problems when writing this!
    But you did an excellent job!

    keep it up and good luck in the contest
    Never ♥


  • ShadyLass
    November 30, 2007

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    I agree that the imagery gives my stomach a feeling of disgust. It's hard for me to imagine how people can commit these heinous crimes on each other. You expressed yourself beautifully and honestly through this poem.
    ~Amanda~


  • ImUrFadingMemory
    November 30, 2007

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    Extremely touching

    its amazing how someone you don't even know, can have the same exact feelings, the same... ugh I don't feel like getting into it. This poem is completely amazing.(theres another word for it but only amazing is coming to mind>_<) It blew me away! You captured it all in every single line. This is very sad, and I feel like although it is so personal, in a way it is so general and applies to others. I mean everyone is... abused differently, every case is tragic and every case is different... but i guess it's the feelings of disgust and hatred, dirty, filthy, naked, used.... that really makes it reach out. Thank you so much for sharing, I'm glad I read something from my favorites latest poems.
    Anyway the way it ends, is a true ending; reliving... I have severe PTSD, and I hate it, but I'm not going to get into details at all on all my stupid problems, but you can't really control it, it infests your mind! nightmares, flashbacks, triggers/reminders, a certain touch...
    anyway if this poem is true or applies to you (or anyone), and I have a strong feeling it does, I am extrememly sorry this has happened to you, and more for your loss.... of well, innocence. I've gone through therapies and refused and bla bla bla i am finally in 3 days a week and dedicated to getting better and cooperating(but ive got more than ptsd, and if you think im a nut case thats ok) i just got this feeling I should share this with you. There is a therapy called EMDR, I don't know if you've heard of it, many people haven't. well, what it does is it puts those memories in a place in your mind where they don't come out especially. They call it getting 'unstuck' with something that therapy could take years and this could only take a couple sessions, (and its not hypnosis!) Anyway I don't even know if you are someone who has ever shared these.... events.... or if you ever do tell someone. But if you ever feel like letting go of it... and trust me that takes alot... I'd encourage you just to look into EMDR... or just read about it. anyway im not here to counsel you and I'm probably pissing you off enough, some nerve I have to come preaching to you right? >_< Well anyway, this poem made me cry, and I encourage you to write more about this or anything that disturbs you this much. I hope you don't mind if I bookmark this piece? If you do that's fine, let me know.
    but
    you're not alone. I hope you know that, and I'm sure you do. but there are people who have these exact feelings...
    i hope someone is there for you if not i am always open, as a random stranger(you could get to know me to build trust, although internet relationships are guaranteed to not last) but to vent to, or there are many others on this site im sure you know. Ok leave you alone now.
    Great job! I'm impressed and well--- speechless---
    for a more description of how i feel about this.

    ~Madison~
    Ok I just saw you're page before i send this and obviosly i've seen it before or you wouldn't be a favorite. but you have aloooooooooooooooooot of trophies so you are probably fully aware of the help here, and your perceptions and views on things are probably clear to make such a great poet. You know how to express. I admire that more than anything of course, when it comes to a poet.


  • ravensgift
    November 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I understand this dark and honest pain....

  • Puking Faerie Dust gold member
    November 30, 2007

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    This is beautiful hunny, though it is so sad... Such dark and vivid imagery. It just gives off such a self-disgust type feeling. I don't really know what else to say except awesome write dear, and you know I'm here, okay?
    Oh and good luck in the contest, too!
    Love ya sweety
    Jeanette*~

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