Take that shot,
Throw it back.
Try to find,
Peace you lack.
Slice closer,
To the vein.
Try to numb,
The fucking pain.
Starve yourself,
Thin as bones.
Words break you,
Not sticks and stones.
Snort that line,
Of pixie powder.
Silently scream out,
A little louder.
Can't someone see?
This isn't a cry for attention!
If someone had just reached out,
Maybe they would've instilled prevention.
But the poor girl,
She's fading away.
Wishing for nothing more,
Than to on this earth stay.
You've broken her spirit.
Driven her to her grave.
Now all she'll ever be,
Is addiction's fucking slave.
So NOW you wish you'd saved her.
Now you wish you hadn't played the fool.
You didn't see her for what she was then,
A sparkling, precious jewel.
Now she's battered and tarnished
Her glow and shine are gone.
She's completely defeated.
Her soul has been withdrawn.
All she has are her vices,
Her only friends on this planet.
Shame on you, you could have saved her!
But no, YOUR heart's made of fucking granite.
Author notes
Just something I came up with tonight..Sort of pertains to my life, sort of not.
What do you think?
Thoughts? Comments? Puhlease?
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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very nice, evidently full of powerful emotions. Its a really nice poem, obviously depressing/sad, but also very thoughtful. The poem generally was pretty ace but a constructive criticism would be if you were to rephrase the last 4 lines. Then it'd be even more awesome. But, even still, is a very nice write. Hope things get better for whoever the girl is.
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oh my gosh...i love this... its really sad...
i like sad poems.
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Wonderfully written
I like this poem. It has a lot of emotion in it. A lot of anger behind your words. My favorite kinds of poems are angst. Great write.
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WOW I can really sense the anger you put into this, spilling your heart out is hard with words spoken, but writing it out in poetry is so much easier for people like us. Very good!
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i found it a bit cheezy, but hottopics to write on. decent job
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wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sweetie this was unbelieveable!! such a strong begining. i loved it!!!
im sorry your feeling this way. if you need ot tlka you no im here.
love you always, love HB
peace out
xoxoxoxoxoxox
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Love IT
I really do love this peice... i can relate to it so much amazing!!!!
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Depressing, but a wonderful poem. i hope it's not all too true.
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unbelievable! its amazing. you got a perfect ryhming pattern. the message is as clear as glass, you state what you want with words that draws the reader in. people tend to use others for horrid reasons, and then the used
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beautiful!
ahhh, i loveloveLOVEEE the way you write! this is so powerful && filled with pain. it flowed very nicely. soooo many people nowadays just turn their heads away...b/c the either don't wanna see depressing or they can't deal with it or they just don't freaking care. teens need to know they aren't alone and helpless!
*Slice closer,
To the vein.
Try to numb,
The fucking pain.
Starve yourself,
Thin as bones.
Words break you,
Not sticks and stones*
those 8 line were my absolute favorites! they really spoke to me and i'm sure there are tons of other teens out there who can relate to this poem. amazing job!!
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This is pretty good. I love the flow and the rhyme. And I also love the way you just spoke what you were thinking. keep up your great work!
crimson -
its amazing i love poetry about drugs and deppression...
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Heart Breaking
It really is heartbreaking, but it really happens far to much.
The poem is done very well, I just hate the subject and the reasons such things happen. This makes a person feel so helpless, because they want to do something to help...and can't..
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really good. i've felt like that most of my life.feels like if you would die no one would care. anyway great poem
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omg
this is an awesome write. i can relate to this pain and self dealing of it. you are a great writer keep it up.
lil skittles666
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Really like this, especially the last two stanza. the last line is incredibly powerful, very moving.
Great write =]
-Underdose-
-x-
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WOW i like this lots
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I love this a lot....i totally can relate to this...thanks for sharing...
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I felt a lot of emotion in this poem. a lot of anger and sadness. I'm curious as to who the "you" in the poem is. When I read it I imagined it to be a mom or dad.
I liked your metaphor of the jewel too. -
This is a very moving piece, I enjoyed reading it and I can relate to the not eating and the drinking. I Like the 7th stanza as well. Excellent Piece THanks for sharing
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Wow this is very moving. A lot of us can relate to this piece. The verse I like is : Can't someone see? This isn't a cry for attention. If someone would have just reached out. Maybe they would have instilled prevention. A lot of people I know think that we are looking for attention when it comes to depression; we aren't, we are seeking understanding and help .
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omg that good
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I liked how you told the story, a story all of us know and most of relate to, in such a simple and clear way. This simplicity is what gives the poem its power. The rhymes are very effective and very natural. There is nothing forced about this poem.
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this was so fucking intense I loved it like wow its all so powerful and strong but one of my absolute favorite parts was...
Slice closer,
To the vein.
Try to numb,
The fucking pain.
so well written I loved this I'm so putting you on my faves
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Thank you so much..That comment definitely made my day!!!
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even though i read it already on aim im a still gonna comment and say it was AWESOME!!!!!
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I thought this was great. I loved the short sentences. It was so powerful. And so many times in life people fall between the cracks like this. Well done.
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Thank you!
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This is like a twisted version of a song from Rent. I'm not all so sure that I enjoyed this but I think it was pretty intense.
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I never thought of that. Good point. Thanks for the honest opinion, I always do appreciate truthfulness.
<3BD9
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