It's something I'd like to do,
climb to the top of a very tall building
and jump.
Not because I'm suicidal,
I don't think I am.
I'd just like to feel the rush
of the cool Southern California
air across my face.
I bet it'd smell clean then.
I'd like to fly, arms and toes
spread like a monarch paralyzed
in a web and feel the rush of
gravity
really feel it.
You see everyone is getting older,
boring
predictable
and I'd hate to become a part of that
with my desperation to be knocked up
in a clean new shiny house driving
a clean new shiny car and my god
my generation disgusts me.
We are all the same with our
tattoos
colored hair
pierced faces.
Rebellion in uniform and when Jane
at the coffee shop has Bukowski in
her pocket and Black Flag on her arm
I realize not even apathy is sacred.
A contest entry
- I've Been Smudged........ by ReasoningsThreat.
600 points, ended January 16, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I really don't give a shit what you think about this. So unless you have something constructive to say...
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
Good viewpoints- I like the way you came about writing this piece and your words are chosen wisely. Thank you for entering.
-
this is refreshing
-
"Rebellion in uniform" is the best line in this peice followed closely by "not even apathy is sacred" I like the way you think.
-
"Rebellion in uniform" is a great phrase. This message has echoed across generations, the outward appearance of supposed rebellion just changes. The clean air comment is inspired as well.
-
If you didnt care, you wouldnt have posted it online, becuase to post things here is to inquire at least a bit into what others think of you.
I like the poem. It does have a good message, though one might argue that with fighting modern angst and what we have termed teenage rebellion, phrasing your issues with it in a poem is true to that very rebellion you strike out against. Everyone is a poet if they choose to be. Every one who thinks differently than the rest of the world joins that very world in trying to be different.
Pretty words and valid points you spin, but it does feel a bit like striking out against the very people that are here to begin with, does it not?
XOXO~dreamwriter -
If you don't care what we say about your poem, why do you post it to have double points?
Well, guess what? You have to listen to what I have to say. I like your poem. I think it's really good. I totally understand the desire to be free and not have to worry about all of life's little problems. I especially love the last two lines -
her pocket and Black Flag on her arm
I realize not even apathy is sacred.
- it makes for an astounding ending, and a very strong statement at that.
So there. I said it - that's what I think. And I don't care if you appreciate it or not.
-
<
Thanks? ;P I like Dasani. It's not a spritzer, but it's a yummy bottled water by Coke. Same fuckin' difference, mang. -
Rebellion in uniform
That is the best line of the poem. Love it. You should not be feeling old. I will have to come down there and remind you of what old really is
-
-
I'm not feeling old... just apathetic and bored. You should absolutely come down here and show me what old is. I miss you. Come see me. Leave the kids home w. Todd or your mom. Just come see me. It'd do us both some good.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
