I see you standing there
the sweet scent of lavender
fills my mind with hope
feeling the strength of your hunger.
As I passionately kiss your neck
and softly move down
I offer to lay you
in this crimson bed.
My body is yours
no matter how much
work I must do
I long to feel your touch.
Not one woman
has ever touched me
the way that you do
why can't you take off your clothes for me.
In a list
A contest entry
- Naughty Guys ..... Adults only by Riftkin.
600 points, ended December 6, 2007, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please do not critique it, I like nice comments not bad.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Now to think, it would have been great to see you, as you kissed your way down, to slide the dress of her skin, feel her heat as you remove those stockings,
You my dear, need to be a better naughty guy.
Riftkin -
Pretty seductive!
Nice and sensual
Wishing you the best of luck in this contest -
Ok..... gotta be honest here!! You had me on this one right up til the last sentence... you went from making me long to be in that lavender to just feeling cheap and dirty. Not that I mind feeling cheap and dirty at times but this was just not it.... You still did a great job though with the flow and the imagery.
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A perfect slow suggestive write.
very well done, not to pushy and a hint of tenderness in this write every woman needs to know the senses,the touch , the sweet scent all that.
Great job,
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not bad, though how did you get her to get into your bed?
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Well done my friend and good luck
to you in the contest! Great work
here!
Jeremy0826 -
this is soft and sensual, the only improvment I could suggest is in the 2nd stanza, you use the word softly twice. You might try "As I gently kiss your neck
and move so softly down" or something to that effect. Just a suggestion. -
Sweet
This one was sweet & to the point. A very sincere & touching way of seducing a woman.
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good luck in the contest
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