Take a grip and heave the hammer
As they come marching in.
meet the gates with all your might bounce it out and do it right
Don’t let those bastards win.
I split my head became enamored
with the evil soul within,
I fought for glory I fought for Jesus
now I’m shit on once again.
I’ve tried my body you’ve tried my temper
I can’t believe I can’t remember what happened then in mid December
when I held the hammer with all the glamour
at the church bell’s sound I brought it down
to feel that tingle in my skin.
Again!
Again!
Again!
To feel that tingle in my skin!
Now I sit upon the church’s steeple and look around at all the people
staring with their wide-eyed fright.
My hands are red your face is null I hear the bell and feel the pull
to raise the hammer with all the glamour to kill you with this final blow.
I look I stare I breathe it in I feel that tingle in my skin
the hardened power so acute so harshly gruesome so absolute
that I just have to grin.
You’re my sweetest sin.
Author notes
Author: Howlinginpain. I wrote this for a contest and nobody seems to like it. I love this poem, maybe I am just a little screwed up, sorry for being human.
A contest entry
- A ...=...Anything by TheAshtrayGirl.
550 points, ended March 13, 2008, 50 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Prewrite: October '07 - February '08 by animated lies.
850 points, ended April 16, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you feel like doing when you have a case of the Rages?
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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This poem is quite unique, in its form, its grammar, its structure. I think its a clever piece that really shows your individuality as a writer. Be proud of it! The inside-rhyme is neat. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
animated
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The wording in this is very strong and every line is like the beating of the hammer. Nothing wasted in this piece, which keeps the reader's focus.
Good write.
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It's so strong and in your face. That's what I like about it. And it has a strong rhythm as well.
Fun write.
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"the hardened power so acute so Harshly gruesome so absolute that I just have to grin.
You’re my sweetest sin."
That was the best. This poem is so abstract and thats what I like about it. I really had to think about it. It gave such strong emotion. I felt it. Continue writing poetry like this, its different and its interesting. I actually envisioned it as lyrics. Please, if you can play an instrument or are in a band, use these as lyrics!
-Swintha
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I think it is pretty good.
I liked it very much.
Great job, and stop being so hard on your self.
I was reading for the contest were we are to help to judge.
good luck
Loveandblessings2u & yours alays
Joyce
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I usually write a good murder poem...with the one I am mad at the victim
Still an awesome read, every time! I can't get over how well you've rhymed this...superb...again
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"What do you feel like doing when you have a case of the Rages?" I never get the Rages
I love this poem "To feel that tingle in my skin!"
That is exactly the sensation I had while reading this fabulous piece! And your ending- Wow! "You’re my sweetest sin." Again I felt that tingle in my skin! Yes my enthusiasm about the murderous rampage of seemingly innocent people is frightening!( I'm scaring myself) honestly I think it's your writing-
You moves me!
Great write and good luck
in the contest!
~Pastel
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Thank you for your comment Pastel. I'm glad that you really liked this poem, I am pretty critical of myself but I just love this one. Again, thank you for your praise, I appreciate it very much.
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:)
Wow
That was totally Amazing
Excellent
I love reading it
Thanks for entering my contest
&
The Best Of luck
Jaz <3 -
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Thank you!
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There are so many things to love about this poem. I enjoyed the internal rhyme which pounded like a hammer. You have captured the feelings of rage that beset all of us at one time or another. Writing is a healthy way to focus energy and dispel the demons.
It is a prejudice of mine, but the formatting and capitalization were a distraction. I think shorter lines would have added more punch. I also would prefer a consistent pattern of capitals, either all first lines or after full stops.
Good luck in all these contests. Peace, Liz
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*speechless*
well maybe i can speak a little... lol..loved this piece, but you forgot to put ¨sorry for being human¨ in your notes.. you don´t have to now, becuase i´m not as picky as i was when i made the contest, but if i were, you´d be in trouble.. for future reference, read the rules of contests so you dont get into trouble wiht people who are picckier than me...
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Well I went ahead and added that to my notes anyway, I like to follow the rules. I just get a litle excited sometimes. Thank you for your wonderful comment!
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WOW!!!! I CANT HANDLE ALL OF THESE GOOOOD POEMS! this was sensational!
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So raw... I felt a slap across the face effect whilst reading this. It makes you sit up and think whilst reading.
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To me the image I actually got, which is strange, is that a priest or something abused the person and then they just flipped on them and killed them. I liked the second to last stanza. Don't ask why that story came to my head, maybe as my ex's uncle abused kids and he was in the church. Eerie though.
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Did you kill Jesus? Shame on you. But I'm glad he's dead. One less to worry about. Thanks for your entry. Great write. I loved it. Best of luck in the contest.
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Very amusing and extremely well written. The rhyme was flawless to me. I would have preferred a little more bashing and slashing but thats because I'm twisted Over all an awesome write. Best of luck in my contest.
Pink x
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dont we all have rage fits? nothing like my husband tho lol. he phoned me from jail today and when i had to tell him i wasnt allowed to see him i could hear him screaming at the screws and talking bout starting a riot. fantastic piece,
hugs,
georgie,
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Very nice. This was extremely dramatic and full of dark and intense passion. Wow... the word choice was just thrilling. I liked the repetition of the word Again! Nice touch, It's really erratic and fits perfectly with the rest of the poem. Good luck in the contest!
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OH YA!!!! This was awesome!!! I loved it...could so feel that little fit of rage all over this piece!! And the rhyming was intense!!! Excellent!!! Good luck in the contest.
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