A little girl with bouncing curls,
She frolocks through the flowers.
Her smile reveals her troubled life.
Her past of torment and pain.
The devil's kiss danced upon her
As she drove herself to Hell.
Her innocence was murdered.
Replaced with tears that fell.
Pink clouds and dancing puppies
Were stolen away from her.
In their place, a love of death
And desire to feel her pain.
Still the tears aren't enough
To equal all her pain,
And on her arms
She forms the scars
When her eyes won't seem to rain.
She's fallen into decadence
With all her mind and soul.
Once filled with life,
She now craves death.
She'll pay her final toll.
Author notes
I'm really proud of this poem.
ShadedRequiem. I could be your sister.
A contest entry
- The best of the best of the best by Thedamned77.
405 points, ended February 14, 2008, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Evanescence Inspired Writes by brokenxxangel.
600 points, ended August 20, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP family...I'm thinking :) by Luckintheshadows.
360 points, ended August 24, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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You deserve to be proud of this poem - it's brilliant! I can really feel the emotion of your words, your imagery is clear and well-defined, and your stanza's flow effortlessly. I think my favourite part of the poem is:
"And on her arms
She forms the scars
When her eyes won't seem to rain."
^ excellent, I can relate to this, not so much on a physical level, more on an emotional level.
Thank you so much for sharing this, and taking the time to enter my contest,
Luck.
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Beautiful and dark. You can feel the pain and agony she's going through. It flows smoothly along as you read it. Thanks for entering
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A very tormented and painful write for sure. I love the darkness to this. Congrats on the HM
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
"Once filled with life,
She now craves death.
She'll pay her final toll." i love these line in place the words were weak and didnt appear to have meaning eg. "Were stolen away from her." i find that can be replaced with a better wording sequence. I love the title it makes me want to read it
. This is an excellent piece thanks for entering
Em
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Two words: Beautifully dark. I'm very impressed by this poem. The whole this is stunning, but my favorite part is this:
Still the tears aren't enough
To equal all her pain,
And on her arms
She forms the scars
When her eyes won't seem to rain.
It's a very creative way to talk about how cutting isnt really about hurting yourself, but about a way to release emotion. My all time favorite line is "When her eyes won't seem to rain" That's just such a beautiful take on crying. Thank you for entering. -
A nicely crafted dark poem, that flows very smoothly.
It is a little too happy for my liking, although it is admittedly a dark poem. Thank you for entering this, you should defintely be proud of it. :]
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Wicked :)
I love your style of writing my dear, its dark, its got alot of great image, and it doesnt have to rhyme but it still flows so well
You are a true poet Amazing poem
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No wonder you're proud of this poem, its wonderful, dark, yet with a hint of beauty too. thanks for entering and good luck!
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