This is the realm in which I settle,
A crater in the fabric of reality,
A deep, dark oblivion avoiding the window of your iris,
In which the wine of war rains in colors of the deepest reds.
Why should I speak to you of my journey?
Inform you of the dreamer's disease in which we share?
Memories of dreams burn like melted wax,
Dreams you would take for fiction before tripping off the edge of reality.
Perhaps there is no need to inform you of the end created by He who came before,
Because my story will forever remain written in the rain.
There was a time in which I had dreams,
Dreams as numb as the heart guarding the world of tomorrow,
Dreams that seemed so perfect as the one who gave us fire,
Dreams that seemed just all too real.
But if the planes of dreams and reality intertwine too much,
What is to stop the editing of reality?
These dreams all brought me into the heart of the desert,
Brought me to face what seemed the mightiest structure to embrace my eyes,
A temple so golden and with such an omnipotent air that it could match that of the divine.
Burn the black stain on my soul for ever entering that forsaken mound of rubble!
The interior was breath-taking;
Long hallways of golden walling and crystal molding framed floors and ceilings of what seemed like glass.
Oh how I would have loved to stare and set fear into the eyes behind that wall,
But then again, who could forget the eyes that bring inanimation?
Perhaps some things are better left unseen,
Or else waltz with the Devil in feet you have never used.
That wretched wall is not to blame,
For my ears were the ones to inhale its words.
Why did I choose to follow the directions it told me to go?
My heart was tasting static, and the word spoken by the wall led my soul:
"Treasure."
But then again, did I have a choice?
For it was then that the floor eroded beneath me,
Shards of glass seeming to float as I fell,
And I landed to wander the halls of a dark labyrinth.
How come I never before questioned the entity of the wall?
Was it one of the first children,
Or some sort of ghost?
Why didn't I remember that the greatest dangers
Often lay hidden in the calmest of seas?
Surely the history of my people showed me the darkness hidden in gifts!
Instead I walked the dark cooridors.
The slimy feel of the air made me dizzy as if drunk,
And I felt all the contents of my stomach slowly climbing to my throat.
The entire time I had the feeling of being watched,
As if the night beyond the wall had a million eyes glued to my shadow.
Driven by the inner hope of this treasure,
I walked the road to Hell.
Had I never found and opened that chest,
Would I still have ended up swimming in this darkness?
Would I have forever wandered the shadows of the labyrinth,
Or would I have woken up some how?
I need not curse the word of the wall,
For it had kept its promise.
I will forever remain in this gap in reality,
Forever remain one of this entity's greatest treasures.
Perhaps the best choice of a savior,
Would have been to choose none at all.
Author notes
I originally wrote this for a contest years ago (under a different name). The contest had over 100 options. The final option was to be a madman and include every option.
I chose the final option. The contest holder never even read it. Jackass.
A contest entry
- I by M a r l u x i a.
2300 points, ended February 3, 2008, 226 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Ohhh wow. *tries to close her jaw* What an astonishing tale. My favourite lines were:
That wretched wall is not to blame,
For my ears were the ones to inhale its words.
Amazing use of words there. Simply amazing.
The first part I also like; I have yet to meet anyone who has the same experience I do with dreams, but this feels so close. When I dream, my unconscious is in complete control; I lose all sense of reality. In fact, my dream becomes my reality. Sometimes when I awake, it can take up to several hours or even a day or two to really convince my mind that it was only a dream. So the first part of this I really was drawn to.
This was magical in your hands. I could see it all so vivdly. I can't believe the contest holder didn't even read it. What a loss for them! Splendid.
-
i feel you use too many large words and leave out the heart of the poem by doing so.
i am also not a fan of exclamation marks, for if you want to make a point with an emphasis of emotion, there is no need for that type of punctuation.
this is very lengthy and difficult to keep focused on. i kind of got lost in the middle.
your repetition of the word Dream was okay at first but then it started to become like an episode of family guy where they repeat the same noise over and over. it got agitating. you should use words like "Ones" or "Dreams_and" when you are going to repeat a word more than three times within a given space.
"Memories of dreams burn like melted wax,
Dreams you would take for fiction before tripping off the edge of reality."
i really like those lines, but the word Dreams still gets to me.
sorry for being so blatantly honest.keep writing.
yael
-
Hmmmm, though I'm not one to stifle any poet's
creative juices, I do question the length of this one. I feel everything here works well for a storywrite rendition; however, for allpoetry, all of these thoughts and questions alike could very well have been neatly fit into fewer lines. It's a rather tough call
because I can see how it flows from your thoughts and it does work to some extent, but is also a bit lengthy.
My favorite:
Dreams you would take for fiction before tripping off the edge of reality.
Thanks kindly for sharing.
Keep penning!
~The INC." -
i have to echo the last comment a little long but if the words move you then they move i did however fiind it to be a pretty good read
-
This is a pretty extensive write. Too long for my taste, though. :/ But reading it, it sounds like a story which is nicely played out. I also like the way you has questions at the end. It wraps up the write in a good way.
Thanks for entering A N Y T H I N G ~ G O E S ! Good luck!
M a r l u x i a
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
