Beyond the rolling river lays
The giant, roaring sea
I am that ship
That's lost upon
The ocean's waving breeze.
My weightless anchor
Drops into
The depths of water
Deep and cool.
It holds me nowhere
And I can't see
Where I am or what I be.
Instruments I cannot read
I don't even try
I simply steer
And gaze upon
The huge wide-open sky.
A contest entry
- Expose Your Inner Self by CherryOnTop.
1400 points, ended December 7, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark, Personal, Your Past, Super Quickie, PW by DancingQueenAngi.
475 points, ended June 11, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever..just make it good. [astonish me] by borrowing.moonlight.
1000 points, ended June 30, 2008, 160 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gimme your greenies by crazymomma.
300 points, ended August 11, 2008, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Who Are You? by AngelOfDarkness88.
350 points, ended September 5, 2008, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show me your soul by poeticcaresses.
600 points, ended September 22, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Beautiful. Great imagery. Great write. Thanks for entering, and good luck!
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Just going with the flow...where life takes you is unkown...so very true...
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Very nice imagery and metaphore in this write. Just one thing:
I feel like in this verse :"Beyond the rolling river lays The giant, roaring sea" it should be lies not lays.
Thanks for entering and good luck.
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hmm thats strangely symbolic somehow, that gave me a very deep feeling though i'm not quite sure i understand it. well i like your rhythm here.. good job and thanks for the entry. good luck!
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"what I be" doesn't make any sense. This write seemed a little random with lines and thoughts that don't seem to fit. Why did you pick "weightless"? How does something weightless sink?
~Angi -
Anchored at sea...think I know the feeling...good write...
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It seems like you're trying to rhyme in the first half then stop in the last. The rhythm is off. It's a nice subject.
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Hmm, I very much like this. It's very free-ing. Simply accepting the future for whatever it might be... it's that moment when you enter the last stage of grieving (acceptance).
I also like the phrase 'waving breeze)... it somehow put everything you said into an artwork that was very VanGogh-esque. Like the old clay 'Rip VanWinkle' movie.
Anyway, you did splendidly; good luck in the contest! -
this is a very interesting piece, great metaphor, love the second stanza, and good luck in the contest.
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Good luck and thank you for entering my contest.
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