the soft crunch
of white beneath
my homeward footsteps
could not chill
my wanton spirit
and my lustful memories
january was so delicate
the cold melted away
like a snowflake
between her fingertips
A contest entry
- frozen by Suzanne Dia.
450 points, ended November 30, 2007, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Mania by Celticmoon.
450 points, ended March 30, 2008, 84 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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very beautiful writing. I always find it difficult to be concise and brief, yet you've mastered that and say so much in so little words. A very enjoyable read. Well done.
Rory
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Commentary
Whether you see it or not, this short poem reveals a story- with strong yet short, but at the same time powerful images. good luck -
This is good poetry. Your ending was superb. Congratulations on the well deserved gold trophy with this piece.
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Wow... I'm melting too...
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An Excellent write Congrats on the Gold Trophy
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an excellent write, you don't need reams of words to paint a detailed picture, and this is a perfect example. very nice indeed. sj
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one suggestion
maybe try wanton where you have wanting, I don't think you'd lose the meaning, and it would go so well with lust in the next line.
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i like that
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This was well-put together and a fantastic poem. God bless you for sharing this with AP & me and good luck to you and your beautiful work in the contest. Best of wishes go out to you from me.
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Beautifully written here and I love
how you put this one together!
Well done and thanks a lot for sharing
it here!
Jeremy0826 -
visual and tactile and cold... but warm as well...
so much to like about these descriptions, this piece!
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Beautiful
Well all be darned! This is one kicking a$$ style of poem you have written here. you worded it so little and yet created a masterpiece with your explicite yet creative imagery built through this poem. what also caught my eye was your stunning visualization and also your flow through out the poem. its just a flawless style poem with how short it is but well compacted it is as well about winter. excellent poem all round and Good Luck with the contest. you got my applauses
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Being an Ozarkian myself, this appealed to me for the purely natural beauty of a snowy January day in the hills ... but the beautiful description of thoughts of a loving intimacy warming the spirit warmed my own ... and anyone who understands that "wanting" wouldn't need to know more
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the ozarks are, in my humble opinion, the most beautiful place in mainland america.
thank you for the lovely comment.
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tell your reader more. your spirt was wanting tell why. Also your last verse is very powerful.
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From beauty in imagery, you have drifted sadness into a beautiful poem that captures everything it needs to.
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I am from around the Ozarks.
Don't live there now, but still it is beautiful scenery.
Left me yearning
Becky
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really. where at in particular?
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Very nice I miss the Ozarks
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your last stanza makes me go ughers. crazy how you gave warmth to january. lovely, man. i see that you're ready to kick some ass again.
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ughers!?!?! lmao.
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my term for adoration. tienes una problema con lo? (correct spanish?)
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you rock. and... i understand what youre saying, but im not sure it actually works. whatevz. thanks for the comments. i never comment anymore. im so bad. i just read shit and leave. hahaha
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oh yea, i rock
no problemo con commenting. we have phases. i might go through that one sooner or later as well.
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january was so delicate
the cold melted away
like a snowflake
between her fingertips
i felt warm with this stanza
I would say to keep tht
lovely stanza because
for the contest intention
but you worded everying very well. Nice work
te imagery that stanza I pasted was tryely amazing
"january was so delicate"
and then you explained by saying
how th snowflake melted
across her fingertips
comparing that to how the cold had melt away
not only did you presen an imagery of cold melting away
but how the snoflake melted right there across her fingertips
I picture the girl looking at the season changing
cold to warmth wow what beauty in seasnos
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this is beautiful..
quiet and reflective, just like memories should be.
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♥This is so sweet! I can just imagine it.
peace to all ~flight
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this is a great example of your work, that snapshot defining click click of a teenage moment that is oh so familar, but yet, you do not allow this to become a cliche.
i like the almost regretful undertone of this piece, i never take the obvious, and perhaps the cold disapearing isnt all that bad in this piece.
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gracias
glad you enjoyed.
...and thats a pretty dead on little description of my body of work. hahaha -
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lol, well this is a theme i have noticed in your recent work brother,
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why is this sad?
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