Sweet scents of bodies interlaced
in indescribable passions.
Long slender body of a beautiful figure
pressed so deeply against
her lover's. They move like a storm upon
the sea. He is thunder and
she is lightening. What their sweet ecstasy
brings fourth is the rain.
As their euphoria intensifies the storm
turns into a white squall. Gray
and black clouds of love move fast through
the sky. As they near the end of passionate
love making, thunder concedes to lightening,
letting rays of light break through dark skies.
It was beautiful, exciting, amazing! One could
only imagine what passions like theirs could be
like, thunder and lightening's.
Powerful and everlasting
is the only way to describe it.
Author notes
Okay, yet another piece that needs work but it's a start!
Honest opinions....any suggestions or changes please let me know! How else can I improve, unless I get some input?
A contest entry
- meh by Anonymous Shadow.
300 points, ended January 24, 2008, 72 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Weave Me Some Sensual Magic by StormGoddess.
390 points, ended December 6, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate Goal by N e a r.
20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Wonderful work here!
Thanks a lot for sharing it and good
luck to you in the contest!
Jeremy0826 -
the soft swish swish of his lightning rod impaled in her
fertile earth, electric synapses to their brains, bring shocking pleasure. Liquid flows in silky rivulets, over the bushes hard pressed, lovely erotic sort of write, loved it~~artis
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Very powerful write, I enjoyed th read good luck with it in the contests if they have not bbeen judged yet
Cara
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A beautifully written poem. I really enjoyed it. I wish you the best of luck in the contests!
-Steve- -
This is a powerful write, but I believe line breaks would make this easier to read rather putting a period in the middle of the line. The content is excellent, I just think the form could be improved
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The only thing I could think of to improve this would be line breaks to make it a more powerful and easy to understand read. They would also improve the flow. Also lightenings should not have an apostrophy
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This is awesome. I absolutely love it as is. You did fantastic. Keep up the excellent work. God bless & best wishes to you in the contests.
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Ok, I really like the comparison to the thunder and lightning (as if my name doesn't give that away!)
This is well written. Short story, but gets the feelings conveyed with passion.
Thank you for entering and good luck
Storm -
very sensual
& a powerful write, Leslie... as previously stated breaking up the lines can help your work... otherwise full marks for effort so far... WRITE-ON!!!
'd'(david) 
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Wonderful
Very sensuous and creative. Might consider breaking up some of hte lines where you start a new sentence in the middle of the stanza. Make it a little hard to follow
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FANTASTIC imagery you have her les!
just beautiful.
Abby -
This is truly an amazing poem. You did an amazing job in putting this one together. God bless you with each new day and good luck to you in this contest. I hope you win.
-Jöel-
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