Just a baby, then I grew, I didn't even cry
Sexual abuse continued on for years, no lie
Horrific evil acts done to a little girl, me
I saw things that a child, should never ever see
Disassociation, this is how I managed to survive
It is a miracle really that I'm still alive
So young, so innocent, horribly abused, even sold
Many people wouldn't believe me, if I had told
I was sworn to secrecy at a very young age
My father used me, I was horrified of rage
He never raged, just secretly talked with me
You are extra special our secret you see
Kelle you don't want daddy to get found out
Oh no daddy, this is what I was scared about
If anyone found out, my daddy would be gone
Things always happened early in the dawn
The bars would close about two, in the morn
My dad brought men to me, sold me like porn
So evil all of these different kinds of men
Hard to believe things happen like this at age ten
It went on even longer but I'm not quite sure yet
I know most of my childhood and teens I bet
Learning through trauma therapy memories lost
My life has been an emotional mess this is what that cost
The abuse done to me destroyed my very little heart
With Jesus Christ and truth I won't be so split apart
Bringing my life all together, completely whole
This is the reason for EMDR, this is our goal
All the bondage of shame heaped upon me
Is coming to the surface so I can be set free
God never intended for this to be
He had plans for little Kelle, yes you'll see
The truth be told I do now really cry
This little girl in me, this is no lie
Back then though I played dead, that's why
This precious little girl in me didn't even cry!
Written by: Kelle Marie Stavron
November 29, 2007
Author notes
Child abuse is a horrific crime. So many children suffer daily from these different kinds of abuse. We need to cry and we need to tell our story, so that others can come out and begin to heal as we do. I was horribly abused and I've been in Trauma Therapy with a very high end specialist. Jesus Christ is where I seek the truths within myself and with the help of another Christian. I thank God for wise council. I have experienced more freedom within myself than ever before because of this kind of help. I hope anyone who reads this if they need help will get it. Also if they know of someone who needs help to suggest getting help!! Thank you for listening to my cries!! Kelle Marie.
A contest entry
- Unheard Voices by Dead Star--x.
1050 points, ended December 11, 2007, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best.....I want emotion...... by parntsoftwins.
380 points, ended December 13, 2007, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥ Pain ♥ by Atrophya.
600 points, ended December 29, 2007, 35 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter All Your Abuse Writes Here! (Part III) by xxRainbowDawnxx.
1650 points, ended April 27, 2008, 95 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Real Meaning Of "Victim" by Poetess12.
900 points, ended May 3, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Simply Sad by Dorcha Runda.
420 points, ended May 26, 2008, 37 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark As You Want It......... by GypsyEyes.
525 points, ended June 17, 2008, 42 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The greatest tragedy is when a child grows up not knowing what love is - prompt - by Forgotten Anomaly.
1800 points, ended August 21, 36 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - -And We Don't Feel So Alive by FlipperSwitch.
700 points, ended November 8, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
If you were threatened would you cry??
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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You've done a good job with telling your story. Your sadness and struggle is made clear and that is also good. Structurally speaking, however, I think it could be improved by re-arranging a few lines here and there to improve the flow and the consistency.
Ex: I would suggest flipping the lines-
Kelle you don't want daddy to get found out
Oh no daddy, this is what I was scared about
If anyone found out, my daddy would be gone
Things always happened early in the dawn
to Something more like-
Things always happened early in the dawn
for if anyone found out, my daddy would be gone.
This is why he told me "Kelle you don't...
Does that make more sense at all?
Anyways back to the emotion- I know this is hard for you to do and it's something you are working on- but poetry is a great therapy on it's own. I would try to wrap up some details and work them into the lines. -
this is very sad i feel your pain very good write and good luck in the contest
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This is one of the saddest poems I've ever read. Its amazing that you survived. How brave you are to deal with it so openly. Thankfully, you found help and rather than turn the violence on others or yourself, you go out of your way to help people. I feel honored to have read it. Thanks for writing it.l
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This is a very sad and touching poem. I was hoping it was not a true one but by the second stanza I knew it was not. If I were threatened I would not cry, I'd get angry, I spent my childhood crying and I'm fed up with it. As a child I coped by blocking everything out, at one point I'd managed to not remember the first ten years of my life, none of it. It only works until the flash backs start and the nightmares. I'm lucky that I never went through anything that bad... that I remember. Being raped once was bad enough but that... I'm glad you have begun to heal, I have not reached that point yet. I have not found the strength yet and religion is no comfort for me. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck, I wish you the best of luck with healing and the future.
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This is so painfully beautiful it almost brought tears to my eyes.... Yes you are right child abuse is horrible every kind of it no matter how small... The innocence of a child should never be ripped away from them like this.
Keep up the good work and thank you so much for sharing.
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i really like this poem! it has so much emotion in it and i can relate to some parts sadly...thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! ~CarnalNineTailedFox
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Thank you for entering my contest. This was such an intense poem. Thank you for sharing such a hard to tell story. I wish you all the best
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This was sad. I think the author's notes says it all (except for the religion part.. but that's just me). That would have been such a horrific thing to go through, but to be honest, the way you wrote it didn't sound personal. But that's just my opinion. Thanks for entering
Jeanette*~ -
gorgeous work.
my favorite stanza:
"The abuse done to me destroyed my very little heart
With Jesus Christ and truth I won't be so split apart
Bringing my life all together, completely whole
This is the reason for EMDR, this is our goal"
thank you for entering this! -
If I was threatened? No. I don't think I would. I think punishment is deserved. That I have failed and deserve what I get.It creeps a lot of people out though, when you start bleeding from a knife wound and don't even start to cry.
meh.
Onto the poem commentary though, great piece darling, heart touchingly so at that. It's both true, and poetic- something I know some poets have issues with doing.
-Danneh<3 -
I've been there and I didn't cry either. I was too scared to cry or scream or tell. The real shame is how years after it is over it still affects us. Nice poem. Good luck in the contests.
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I was in your shoe's !
In fact at that very time we really do not know what to do.A survivor you are as I am and other's as well would it not be nice if we could all tell of our pain letting it out with only sanity to gain.And of corse not feeling to blame.Painful Memories yet a very good write ! Good luck in the contest.......Brenda Gae..My heart was pounding as I read this.May God Alway's Bless You as well as keep YOU Close To Him.
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I felt each word, every emotion you wrote. I was hoping to find this was fictitious, but see it is not. You are right, about the blame put upon the self. As children we learn how to cope the best we can, and as adults we do the same but with an adult viewpoint. The little girl who was harmed shall always feel a bit uneasy and insecure. God certainly helps with security. thank you for sharing this most intimate part of your life. God Bless you.
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This is a poem that should be read by a lot of people. It should be made known that stuff like this happens in the world. I agree with you when you say that "we need to cry and we need to tell our story because it will help others to come out and begin healing also." It's sad that so many out there fall victim to this at such an early age. Thanks for sharing this poem. Thanks for your entry.
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I can feel your pain Kelle and thought this was very emotive and made me nearly cry myself. I am sorry you know how it feels, nobody should know this at any age, let alone 10. What he did was awful and what those other men did too, I hope they get what's coming to them one day. I am glad you get therapy and that you have faith in God. I am also glad you have strength to talk about what's happened. Yes, crying does help and letting your guard down to those you truly trust is hard to do, but very valuable. Also, if you don't talk about it, you'll forever be that little girl caught up in pain and that's not what you or anyone who loves you wants. Always here to talk if you need someone.
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First, I'd like to say that I understand and that I'm so sorry this happened to you.
When it was happening to me, I thought it was a way for my daddy to show that he loved me... then he let other people do it to me... they paid him first... and I couldn't understand it... I couldn't understand how he could let other people who didn't love me hurt me.
I started to get so confused and I couldn't understand what was going on.
I never cried either... I didn't have the strength or the energy... all of that was used up on just staying alive.
I've still never really cried.
This is a good poem... full of emotion.
Take care, Laura xx
And sorry for... kinda breaking down on your poem. -
You have done such a wonderful job of expressing that pain and dissociation that many of us abused as children have felt. I am sorry for the pain you had to go through as a precious little girl. I too was horribly abused. Always remember though that you are a child of God and through him all things are possible. Wishing you blessing on your journey of healing..Patty
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So very painful to read, being a survivor of a number of forms of abuse.
You have done a wonderful job here... I hope writing this was healing for you!
Bravo!!
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This poem....has so much emotion...so much sorrow.
Im sorry that you had to go through that. I feel that writing is one of the only theraputic things for situations much like this one. I can already tell that this contest is going to be pretty close. I hope to read more of your writing in the near future -
oh man, Im about to cry, This topic bothers me so much and fills me with a rage that I cannot contain. It makes me want to slaughter all petafiles, rapists, molestors and so on!
God!! It's infuriating. I m so sorry, that this happened to you, im so sorry you had to learn to disassociate yourself from people and life because of it. Please talk to me if ever you need to.
I love this, it's sad... terribly so..
x-Rain-x
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What's meant for evil...
What Satan hopes to ruin a person with, GOD uses for good. All the trauma, all the fear will help so many, Keep going dear, never quit.
I could find no fault in the writing at all....
Pappy
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God Does Have Plans ...................
for you Kelle Marie!!!!!! I f only to show that he can heal even the most horrific deeds done to suc a beautiful, precious child!!! Keep your head up honey you are so special to God and to all of us here at A.P. Most of all to me!!! Is this picture you when you were small??? If you you were just beautiful!!! Still are an those eyes!!!!Great job!!!~~Toni~~
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The truth be told I do now really cry
This little girl in me, this is no lie
Back then though I played dead, that's why
This precious little girl in me didn't even cry!
very powerful poem
very sad story and very moving
i am studying to be a psychologist, my main reason is that i want to help children whove been through this and show them its okay to cry and be angry and its going to be okay
now obnly if i could convince myself this...in time perhaps
thanx for entering & good luck!
Dead Star--x -
aww, my tears flow at the anguish of this and the pain you endured. I am so sorry for you and what you had to go through and try to keep it secret. may God bless you and sustain you in moments of deep sorrow, for something like this is never forgotten.
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I understand your poem so well, and I am proud of you giving a voice to child abuse. You have showed bravery where many have not, and I know you are a stronger person because of this. A man asked me to read your poem, and I didn't know why at first, but now I am happy he did. Not happy for your pain, but happy to know you are taking a negative and turning it into a positive. God bless you now always and forever. ~blessings for a beautiful day~best to you in the contest.
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awwwwwwwwwwwwww
Kelle, I am so proud of you writing this. It took much courage. This will be ok my friend. I hardly know what to say except you have love, support and friendship here on AP. You are not alone. Many of us were abused and survived. God bless you my friend. Mark
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dissociative experiences are difficult for the mainstream of society to grasp let alone find room for compassion - that is until a loved one is wrestling with it...even when it went by another, less friendly name, it mystified even the best of therapists. It is a difficult life for not only the afflicted person but the family as well and so much love and understanding is needed during the often long and protracted healing process. You have my most profound respect as you work through this painful experience, but always remember, you are worth it…every part of you. Every stray fiber and fragment is being re-knit by Him Who Holds All Things. And while it feels like hell on earth, you will, one day, find out that you do indeed belong, and fit in, and are so amazingly special as each puzzle piece begins to fall into place, integrating into a whole image reflecting Christ’s Love and purpose for you here on earth.
blessings and best wishes,
~r.
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An inhaled cry for help so deep from within....so many woman go through this, some share, some do not, some too late. Many more things I could say, as this is heart felt
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Very Moving!
Hard to express proper wording for an experience so damaging. Good luck in the contest! -
Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!
You are a fine strong woman Kelle Marie, your strength of charecter has directed you to expose your predator, the one who should have protected you abused his postion of fatherhood and exposed you to danger,abuse and physical and mental turmoil. I weep for the child you were, I weep for the young person who suffered so much anguish. I will not say that this atrocity made you a better person for it should never have happened to you. You should have had a safe and happy childhood sadly you did not at Psalms 37:10 it says "And just a little while longer and the wicked one will be no more; And you will certainly give attention to his place, and he will not be." -
well mum!
This was absolutely amazing!
I am so very glad you got it out, and have enough faith in God to get you through it!
Many children suffer abuse of many of the worst kinds..and I hope that by writing poetry like this we give those abused children who are afraid to speak for fear of a beating, a voice!
I so hope you win this contest ma!
U deserve it, especially with everything you've been through in the last 4 months!
You are always in my thoughts, and I hope your xmas isnt too hard without Matthew around!
♥ Ur daughter
Dani
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In comparison to the other chapters in my recent book it took me longer to complete the chapter on Child Abuse. It brought out so many emotions that I had to leave my office every now and then to come to terms with my own feelings and of those I wrote about. I have been fortunate not to be abuse, but in practice, I have dealt with those that have gone through this. I salute you for your write, and more so for standing up to this. You have found the Great Healer and you shall receive your reward. Frans
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I really really hope that you win this contest.This story is almost identically like my daughters .She was not sold but she was sexually molested by her dad from a very young age.We are now all safe and I want to thank you so much for the message to other's to get help'
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Sad but happy
I am sad it ever occured, But happy you are choosing to make a differance, than set in denile and hide your pain.
It takes guts to let this out, I know all to well, the shame controls us most of the time because we take on the blame.
But your words I know will help others, and I always say, "I am glad he done it to me, Because I am still a live to tell my story and help someone else".
Many do not survive this.
I do not concider my self nor you a survivor or a victim I concider us winners, because our voices are now heard and we may just help another before the damge is to great. Bravo
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This is such a sad and painful poem, but I am glad that you're getting help. I am truly sorry that you've been through this...I would do anything to take that away from you and feel it myself instead. You are a beautiful and wonderful person even though your past has been bad. Know that if you ever need or want a friend I'll be there to keep you from being so sad. Keep up the excellent work Kellie Marie. May God bless you always and good luck to you in this contest.
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sad
great write...abuse is awful. sorry you were able to write this.
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abused children often find many different coping mechanisms in order to survive the situation. they suffer no less PTSD than combat vets, only they don't have the training to fall back on.
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