sitting on a bench, in the park
it touches the back of my neck,
like a tree branch in the wind.
I turn my head to look,
no branch;
a little red bird
watching me.
Author notes
Prompt: Presence
In a list
Comments:
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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You have a knack for capturing a moment here This is almost like an expanded haiku the moment jumps out at the reader with amazement Refreshing I enjoyed it
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sweet and poetic, the image is kept very simple, love it
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This was perfect!!! It made the hairs stand up on MY neck! Nice work and thanks for that wave of goosebumps...
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Now I like this You do free verse and rhyme equally well this was very good.
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awesome.
Return the favor?
just go to my page and comment on any poem that hasn't been already. -
Amazing!
I like the way you place each word perfectly in it's place.
Thanks for sharing, and congrates on an awesome write.
Much love and respect teach!
-Timothy aka poeticweaver~
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a truly lovely little freeverse poem from your pen ... simple words speak about the intuition of an invisible (outer) presence manifesting through bodily phenomena ... maybe an entity belonging to the etheric angelic or animal-spirit-guide realm ? I know this kind of experience quite well, who doesn't ?
even if this sort of "presence" seems to belong to a force coming from "without", the resonance is felt "within" ... and when the two merge, no more "me" and no more "other" exist ... only the mystery of infinite oneness ...
thank you for sharing your soul,
maa
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Awww!!! This is so cute!!! I love this free verse... It's short and to the point. I love this... This is another for my bookmark collection!!!
Always,
Cassie
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Im commenting a lot .
Good poem. -
Interesting
I love how you describe that fleeting feeling of someone being there, just behind you, watching...
The red bird was an interesting element and I found it to be well chosen.
Good luck in the contest.
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you did the prompt justice here. and seeeee isn't it fun to play without a net?
lol.. i like how it reads almost like its straight from your head. very cool
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You are always so amazingly original! This is an awesome take on the prompt in my opinion, and the imagery is outstanding...it's like you've perfectly captured a momentary thought...and a feeling.
I could go on and on...but I won't So I hope I make sense.
Wonderful!
♥
Michele
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beautiful! you've done well with this! I am always impressed and awed by your free verse!
whether you think you have a knack for it or not, this is pretty damn god stuff!
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This is Really good, it puts the reader on the bench also.
helps one see through your eyes, that's what poetry is supposed to do.
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like a drop of sweat that causes an alligators mouth to close with the force of 3000 pounds of pressure, you captured this beautifully and most excellently.
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See
You do free verse just great.
A+ .
Joe
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A simple and powerful image
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I saw a free verse and had to read it. Wonderfully penned...
Peace and Love
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Oh My!
Now this is one Powerful piece for how many times does a Spirit guide try to get our attention...
message to be received...
and I keep seeing a hummingbird...
have since I was a child...
so Thank You for the memory
Love this!!
Thank You for sharing Your Talent Beautiful!
Many blessings to You in the contest
Best wishes too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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LIke a whisper the skin knows when it is being watched...The little hairs are there to warn...Nice my Little Blue Star...
~YOUR WARRIOR~
and Uncle
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Hmmm. I don't get what the little red bird signifies? Is there some secret language I don't know? The poem is powerful, and excellent take on the prompt. Bravo.
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Thank you for your comment and your confusion. On one hand you say "excellent take on the prompt" and on the other you miss the presence of the bird. Now I'm confused.
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Well done. Short, but has a strong impact on the reader. Beautiful imagery and meaning. Nice take on the prompt and best of luck to you!!
-Kaitlyn
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Thank you Kaitlyn
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The hairs on my neck just stood up reading your beautiful words. You are amazing as you fill us with your presence. What a wonderful piece of free verse you penned here. My smile is as bright as the sun that is shining here today. The imagery you left in my mind's eye is so lovely. I love sitting on a park bench watching children play or just sitting by the ocean watching the world go by. They both leave me with such inner peace and that is what I got from your words. Thank you for sharing the gift of your illustrious pen once again and best wishes in the contest with a write that sounds golden to me. Love you my friend, Joyce
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That would have the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end too What a great job on this one!! You do free verse as well as you do formal poetry my dear friend! I love it!!
Best of luck in this contest!
and love
Nyetta -
That would have the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end too What a great job on this one!! You do free verse as well as you do formal poetry my dear friend! I love it!!
Best of luck in this contest!
and love
Nyetta
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Now this is beautiful my sweet, I love it. Mistress passions is smiling....
Know what???
*whispers in the wind....I love you!*
best wishes in this contest
Mistress Passions
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