The fighting stopped.
I opened my eyes
and looked down the tunnel
that ends in white light
dazedly walking forward
I pay no attention
to the sound of my feet
on the warm sticky floor.
My senses evade
the revolting smell.
Then I trip and fall down
with a glutinous splash
as I realize
that the road to heaven
is covered in blood
I disgorge my entire self
and I’m diluted
into madness.
Author notes
We fight to survive. We fight in the streets for no reason. Why shouldn't the road to heaven be covered in blood?
A contest entry
- Looking to be impressed... by ellipsist.
1100 points, ended November 23, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Escape From The Afterlife! by brightXdarkness.
600 points, ended June 20, 2008, 27 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Is there really a heaven?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I found it a bit too blunt, but I still loved the concept overall. Maybe its because I read to fast, but I felt the shock ending, that the road to heaven was covered in blood (which is a very good ending by the way. Very profound, but dark all at the same time), just came to fast. Maybe it's just me I don't know. Either way, it's a very good write with a dark message. Good luck!
Sincerely,
ModernXTimes -
wow. This is a really creepy idea that makes me super happy to be alive. I usually dislike use of "special vocabulary" but here, you used it beautifully and it only helped to enhance the piece. The format is also perfect for this topic. I must say, this poem really blew me away. Thank you so much for entering this poem into my contest and making me feel extremely happy to be alive! And lots of luck in my contest!!
Keep writing and take care,
Alex -
Woah I so see what u mean there about the roads to heaven covered in blood
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wow this is amazing.
great job ^.^ -
"That the road to heaven
Is covered in blood"
An interesting piece... these lines stirred me the most, opening up the forum for many other words to follow. Perhaps in a sense, there are many roads paved in blood. Nice job with this one. ~SoAp -
I understand what is said... you definitely drive the point home in this piece... there are some descriptions that I feel are a bit of an overkill, but that is probably just my preference for brevity... thanks for the entry! good luck!
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“…He said “Save your epithets and evidence to the contrary,a journalist is simply someone who has a good memory, hoping everyone else does not. I’ve heard the same thing said of storytellers.” “see?” I said, “I can’t remember. So tell me another, while we wait for the headlines to change.” he said “It’s strange the way todays poets are really the scientists” and without waiting for my nod he said, “yes. The scientists may well be God’s architects, but their next discovery will be that the grand plan has been hidden in the pages of another religion’s holy books, everywhere we look there is proof that life is just a bedtime story told to us by world weary journalists, who sacrifice the truth for just a little more glory”. I said “Do you mean to tell us this character God has been lying to us through national TV?”. He said “No, I’m saying that people have forgotten how to speak beautifully.” --The Fugitives
I don't know why but reading this made me think of this piece and I thought you might enjoy it.
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