The tragic flaw of such a beautiful girl
is that she has no confidence in herself;
she's emmitting a shadow of light
that's not so radiant or bright-
she believes in herself
only as much as the Jews believe in Hiter
and nobody can make her see
how the pain in her eyes makes her gorgeous,
how the scar on her chin makes her flawless,
how the tears on her cheeks makes her lovely,
and how when she looks at you it's like magic.
A contest entry
- Write something decent by Clockwork.
375 points, ended January 3, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
A
Comments
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I don't think that words like gorgeous, lovely, flawless, beautiful, or magic are original. The tragic flaw of this poem, is that it doesn't really communicate any deep or enigmatic ideas. It has that potential, but it runs itself dry from the first line.
Try to find new words, and new ways to express age-old ideas. Make something old brand new.
Try to take a new approach on the beauty of imperfection. Perhaps you should explain why, and not how. -
Awe ^-^ this is absolutely beautiful!
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