Fog to mist to gentle rain,
my light is obscured by waters,
fingers smearing my window pane.
Sunlight, cloud filtered, glows silent.
The room is draped in pale shadows,
frail smudges between furniture,
thirsty and worn, shimmer against
the floor, unsure of what they define.
She huddles, rags tossed against the couch.
Counting the beats in her heart
between dollops of sunshine
melting into her colored cloak.
Pillows of satin dark, blouse silks dull,
Persian rug muddled, limoges saucer ordinary.
Riot of color seeks fire. Sunlight:
piercing every pane, drenching the room.
Early morning light slips under the blanket
races from house to house gobble grays.
Heart beats a deep rich red. It shows
every time she nicks a finger. She knows,
when he is in the room with her, the rain
falls outside and together they erase shadows.
2:51 PM
11/27/07
In a list
A contest entry
- Give me Five... by Peteskid.
1000 points, ended November 29, 2007, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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LOVED your third stanza...it was so rich with imagery.
congrats on the silver
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The question in doing what i do in the third stanza is when have you done too much. I wanted the stess on the muting of vibrancy and elegance, glad you didn't feel it was overdone. Thanks for stopping by. Love, Tom B.
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Just beautful. I got more than the Sunshine too. I could feel the warmth that comes from those early morning rays, on my face and hands. I'm glad you won a chalice with this, you should have, it's beautiful,
love,
Jin
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Thanks you are too sweet. I am glad you could feel this. I went to colledge in Portland Oregon, I know to well the colors and shades of a Northwest Rain. Again my thanks.
Love, Tom B.
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cograts on the silver pops, and I can just invision the suns passion as it floods the room after a rain burst, and then as the sun starts to shift, even though it's not in the poem, I can see a rainbow. well done UNT
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Thank you. I am glad you enjoyed this. It was me just playing with colors, moods and sensation.
Love, Tom B.
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Congrats on that Silver Bro!
Brother Bear ~
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Thank you.
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I cannot say why I feel as I do about your words that wend and weave into this poem.It is too,too personal to share and enough to say that I am able to feel the words as if they were fabric.Perhaps time itself is a fabric that we have as yet not named,forgive my emotional response as opposed to a critique.Forgive me too for I dare not read the second link lest it transcends the weight of which I carry and cope with.You are appreciated by me as is your poetry and the joy of your spoken word has reduced me to tears before.
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In your words I transcend poet. I am deeply touched. It is a gift I will cherish to be honored so. Be well, be blessed.
Love, Tom B.
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Rain: liquid sunshine
"She huddles, rags tossed against the couch.
Counting the beats in her heart
between dollops of sunshine"
Isn't it the truth of spirit, though, that colors begin to vibrate when someone cherished, whether physically present of just in one's thought, warms the dullest of surroundings, and just 'being' blooms radiantly.
Your thoughts are smiling right through the Oregon rains, Tomis! Thank you.
A woman I knew years ago told me I was not sugar, nor salt, nor anybody's honey; I wouldn't melt....... little did she know! Haven't melted from the rain yet, but I get into your poems and heart goes molten in the imagery. You even make the rain a taste of honey.... ~ Karen
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Incredible compliment. You talked about the rain and the need for the sun. I remembered getting up early to see it rise near Mt. Hood, bright and clear before the rain set in. It was the half hour morning viewing that made my day. That was my inspiration. Your thoughts and my memory. The rest was the work of my muse.
As to melting. I just don't know what to say. I am at a loss for words.
Love, Tom B.
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Riot of color seeks fire. Sunlight:
piercing every pane, drenching the room.
Early morning light slips under the blanket
races from house to house gobble grays.
man what a perfect full-blooded phrase.
and then this sets up some really sharp angst... Heart beats a deep rich red. It shows
every time she nicks a finger. "
stupendous writing.... -
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I am glad you got that. I wanted to make the blood leap out in full color after so throughly muting the room. I once said that love in the early part of my life felt like death by a thousand small wounds.
This was the first time I caught the rain in Oregon where I went to college. It was a gift of a vision from a friend who still lives there.
Love, Tom B.
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Very nice Buba ~
~* She knows,
when he is in the room with her, the rain
falls outside and together they erase shadows. *~I enjoyed this write for many reasons.....as you have weaved a sense
of Gothic curtain around this Theme, and kept your tone flowing so smoothly ~
...as I said....very Gothic, Operatic and moving around to find something to meld onto.....searching for its' place of certainty ~
I also found this..>>>>
~* Early morning light slips under the blanket,
races from house to house to gobble rays *~
....another Brilliant piece of penmenship tomis ~
Lovely graphics......but I think you could have done this without it, and still penned a winner.......but you'll have to join us in the PO' contests for that....lol ~
Very well done Bro ~
Brother Bear ~
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In many ways this was a song to light. I wanted to dance with a memory of the times in Portland Oregon, when the rains fell and colors muted. I read it anew and can sense the Gothic feeling you mention. I really wanted to drench the senses, in this one.
I have not forgotten the PO' contests. I will get one in.
Love, Tom B.
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Again, nice imagery and the ability to capture a moment with vivid details, the kind of details that seem tragically unimportant..... until they are mentioned. Then they take on meaning, and that is the whole purpose in a great poem, yes? Nicely penned.
until immolation,
homewrecker -
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As a designer, I know the details are sensed more than acknowledged. They make it real and generally there is one that stands out. I try to catch this and evoke the scence by speaking more to the senses than to the mind.
Yeah, art is catching the detail, the things that made that moment poignant.
Peace & Light
Tom B.
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P.S.
Hit me again! LOL Thanks my precious friend. -
*Shaking my Head*
Tom you can bring yellow rays through any shade of gray and I really didn't mean to say it in such rhyme but these words are mine and never so close to the truth. Uhhmmmmm!
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Glad this touched your heart. I had a friend remind me about my days in the rain in Portland Oregon. I could see the way light became different in my house. The rest is memory mixed with fantasy, like most art.
Love, Tom B.
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These Northwest days can become so dreary. Even when the sun shines it it provides so little warmth. I actually think I have a case of the winter doldrums this year, for I don't have a "someone" to help me chase away those shadows. The pace of my life is now at a crawl, thump, thump, thump... (Oh yes, great poem!)
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I know them so well, even if it is from memory. I use to get up early and see the sun come up along side Mt. Hood, before the rains started, Portland Ore.'s liquid sunshine. I use to sing at the top of my lungs and be the brightest smile you could find, just to defeat the raindrops.
I know it all too well.
Glad you like my liquid light poem
Love, Tom B.
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eXCELLENT wORK hERE great contrasting between the human and the warmth this poem is awesome Good luck with it in the contest
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I love using contrasts to heighten effect. Glad you enjoyed it.
Love, Tom B.
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interesting... the contrasts between the warm and human and the cld and dismal...
beautiful!
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Ah, yes, contrasts. It is in the space between them we discover what we think is important to keep.
Love, Tom B.
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Absolute enchantment...
My dear Tomis you have really outdone yourself..
I adore all of the elements of this write..color and feeling are always faves for me...
I adore the mood that you create within your writes...
breathtaking~
Best wishes with this entry..
Peace
~A~
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I am glad you caught it so nicely. I was playing with the effects of a dull gray day. Thanks for being so sensitive to the moods I try to create. I am blessed to have you as a reader and most of all as a friend.
Love, Tom B.
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How beautiful! I love the ending...so perfect! This is amazing
Lynda
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Well, you should know that Portland Oregon is known as the land of liquid sunshine. I wanted to play with light in this one. Thanks for enjoying it so much. Love, Tom B.
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simply beautiful poetry here, such well defined mood and wonderful imagery to show the reader so much of the thoughts, ideas, sensations, feelings... such remarkable skill here; thank you for this fine entry ino the contest and best of luck in the judging...PK
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