My feet know every cement brick
in this town; and they also know the dust
of Mexico or Louisiana shores,
these places you need
to walk barefoot in to understand.
For shoes are sometimes cuffs to your
past, dead end signs when these roads
could really lead to home.
Some days I feel like the sky
is a map to young travelers who do
not own the ground, we can
lift up our palms and explore
each star as the night sings to us
directions. It’s easy to wish for far
off places if you have a home
to come back to and sometimes
it’s easier to travel when you have
no home to being with.
One day I know I’ll find a place
where this body fits. Besides
the inseams of teenage men.
A place where awkward tree bows
blend into the sky like lovers
laced in bed. For now
I am comforted by traveling in
short walks to the grocery store,
holding your hand.
Author notes
Please give me your comments and critques.
peace to all ~flight
A contest entry
- The Next Big Thing by Nicole Hanna.
18000 points, ended December 20, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
honesty
Comments
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I absolutely adored that final stanza. The middle stanza, however, had my attention wandering a bit here and there, because the story seemed to get lost in unnecessary internal dialogue that I couldn't really "feel" as the reader. And "no home to being with"... is that supposed to be "begin"? Really, though, these are small issues I have in comparison to how much I enjoyed the first and final stanzas. I could feel those, they were so palpable to me.
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I agree that the middle stanza is the weakest, I will
try and edit it tomorow after school or something because
I know this could be better. I'm glad you enjoyed the
majority of the piece though, it means a lot to me.
Thanks again!
paece to all ~flight
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You seriously take my breath away. You inspire me so much! I just want to dance and sing...I would write poetry, but I'm in a non-writing phase...where I don't feel creative.
Good luck in the contest...you own it!
Angi
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Thanks so much Angi!!! I'm glad to provide
some inspiration. I have noticed you haven't posted
anything in awhile...I'd love to see you write agan!
Just take a walk, they do wonders.
peace to all ~flight
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