Dark alleyways

Cold and unyeilding rain soaked my hair
and tickled as it trickled down my face
lazily finding a route to my neck

before rolling on to be absorbed

by my dirty and hole filled vest where
it's freezing touch brought discomfort
but at the same time I enjoyed its
caress.

The darkend allyway stunk of decayed
rubbish that spilled from bent and broken
dustbins whose lids were strewn around,

most likely thrown there by boys playing

soldiers.

Blackened cobble stones lined the allyway

and sparkled like christmas tree lights

as pools of dirty water captured

what little glow the moon
threw our way.

A small line of 14 year old boys stood
in the dark suffering the same rain,
while some trembled with the cold
the rest just shook with excitement
but for me it was fear.

Ruth Maglocklin was pressed up against

the back yard wall of prewar terrace house

a ragged skirt was pulled over her waist
and her nickers were no where in sight.
I could see the line up ahead of me
was not as long as I would have wished
and wondered to myself whether anyone
would notice if I just left or pretended I was going to

be the look out.
Every one was whispering in the darkness
some laughed quietly, some laughed with anxiety
but with me being the most affraid

I'm sure I didn't laugh at all but merely pretened too.
This would be my first fuck but all I wanted was
to cop a feel but not even that.

If I was really honest I wanted to go home and get warm

I was hungry and sniviling..

Keven, a brute and a bully was making

us all do this, just because he could.
Ruth was doing this because she wanted to be in the
gang, as if she was going to be in the gang! duh
get a life  I thought, I'm only here because
I know Ronnie and he's only here because he knows John

who knows Kevin who thinks he's hard, he isn't really

he just not scared of being hurt, I am though.

The line was moving slowly thank god

because all I could think about was the rain

and how cold it was and how fucking late it was. 
I tried to lick the rain it as it rolled down my face
and then around my eye sockets.

Eventually it would find it's way
to my nose where it hung for a moment

befor falling earthward, where I would try to catch it.

I stuck out my tongue and with each lick of rain

that fell from my nose I captured the very essense

of sweetness, the taste of snot that mingled
with the rain as it dripped like a melting icicle

from my nose, nay not dripped but ran

as fast the rain poured from the sky.

Cold and hunger provided me with a constant
running nose that my sodden and ragged clothes

couldn't sock up. Even my short pants had

holes in the arse that let the wind in

and out when I farted while the pockets

had no lining that provided me
with easy acces to my dick,

which I held onto for warmth.

It was getting close to my turn and I know
I was going to be a laughing stock,
My nerves were shaking and I wanted to run,
but I couldn't do that, I had to look like I was 
keen and unphased by the coming event.
Everyone but me had shagged a girl before
and everyone knew it though I don't remember telling anyone
How the fuck did they know, perhaps it was my lack of
enthusiasm? or even the fact that I kept changing places.
Come on Tess kevin said, it's your fucking turn
get in there and get on with it.

He pushed me towards Ruth and I bumped into

her soft belly as I dared to feel for her pussy.
I don't remeber looking at her face at all because
she was much taller than me and,

she had hair around her twat, wow she was old
which worried me even more than the smell I
could distinguish even in the dark.
With so many boys fucking her and a distinct lack
of hygiene she was high, very high 

and I just wanted to run.

On tips toes I fumbled with my cock in hand
but couldn't reach her smelly twat,
which was a great excuse to get out of there.

I can't reach I said trying not to sound affraid 

and tried to show them how impossible

this was for a small kid like me.

The constant rain didn't help me to get a
decent grip on my already frozen and limp willy.

How could get my cock into that hole while

trying to balance on tip toes, and my socking feet

just didn't like that at all, they hurt too. 
I said, hoping to get away with this, that, "it's no good, I can't reach"..
 yes you can Kevin said, he found the answer.
Grabbing a dirty broken dust bin he pulled it close to Ruth

and I and told me to sit my arse on it so that I could reach 
I couldn't tell what smelled the worst, her or the rubbish.
Sit on the bin and shove it in Kevin said
because if I didn't he would hit me and he wasnt'

going to let me get away with this.
With help from Kevin and the boys and my arse sat firmly
on the bin I could now reach her smelly twat
and then I felt it's warmth and wetness, it was nice too.
I remember being able tell the different between the wet
rain and the wet that coated her oddly warm and cosy twat.
She was slimy and slippy which amazed me

yet the rain was cold and didn't give an inch. For a moment

I was enjoying being there, but just a moment.

That feel of another human being was honest to god

new and most of all comforting. I felt someone

and something changed in me.
I pinched my sullen cock and with it in my hand

tried reach Ruths warmth but once again

I couldn't reach that hole, not even with the bin
behind me.
All the boys were by now crowding around me
listeing as I humped and puffed my way to my

first fake orgasm.

Ok I'm done
whose next.

In the dark I put my willy away and slunk off quietly 

running through the darkned streets that continued
to sock me in rain as I headed home,

but this time the street lights shone a different light,

halos grew around them and brightly displayed

a wonderful glow.

I could here the traffic's rythm as cars and wagons
beat their way through town.
I don't know but I think, that no one missed me

not even Ruth who,  I wondered about for many years.

Did she really enjoy all of that attention.

Did she feel me and my failings or even notice I was there.

Her hole seemed so large to me that I'm sure she didn't notice

who was in or out, but, she knew one thing for sure

and that was some boys really fucked and her

and,  at least one little boy didn't.

When I think back I'm so glad she didn't know my name
but if I ever met her I would thank her  from the bottom of my heart.
Mostly for not laughing at me and,

I would apologise from the depths of
my soul for being there, for being one of the boys

for treating her as if she was a a rubbish bin

to be dragged into the allyway and left in the rain.

Though I will never forget the smell of
rubbish because rubbish is rubbish where ever you go
and I will never forget those frail wee boys

with frail wee little willies who don't always

brag about their first time and though

it was not my first time with a girl 

it was the first time I understood
humility