my mornings out number yours by one
my nights cut deep and long
frigid against the
backbreaking crack of winter
exact in its guttural funeral song
a march
a broken ivory comb pulled through
hair
one hundred times
smoothing out the kinks
the chinks of armor rusted
gutted out with old blood
old lovers
wail
quaking in the cold ground
where i placed them
where i laid them down
to die
we are the same
yet we sleep at different times
you keep me hidden
i let you roam
i wear you across my shoulders
and in the eyes
you keep me in a box
you let me out sometimes
let the ghost of my hands
move beneath your blouse
flush and rough
stranded and disenchanted
in aisle 5 of the supermarket.
A contest entry
- The Next Big Thing by Nicole Hanna.
18000 points, ended December 20, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I like This
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That is one of the best opening lines I've read yet. Couldn't tell ya one little bit why I liked it as much as I did, but there ya have it. Of course, it's equally mirrored by the last two lines (or the last ten lines, take your pick) in intensity and raw power. This is a keeper
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thank you.
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You do good love poems. Probably said that before.
Like these lines lots:
my nights cut deep and long
frigid against the
backbreaking crack of winter
exact in its guttural funeral song
And last 5 lines are good too. I'll be thinking on a more thorough crit.
Lisa
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you know i was never really big on the love poems...i would write one now and then...but as i said things seemed to have changed, when i wrote a love poem before it was about the longing or possibility of love...sometimes about a specific incident...and always after the fact, after it was all over...these ones that i am writing now are all happening in real time with the ideas coming from real events and conversations...it's different because for the first time i am sort of writing an ongoing story about the feelings and experiences that i..that we are having...which is a new thing as i was never able to write about my emotions or feelings as they were happening...it will be interesting to see where this all leads and how or if it will end...i have about 40 pages of love poems (about 30 or so poems) that started in July and don't seem to be stopping yet! I suppose i will compile about a hundred poems and then try to do something with it...who knows?! but my working title for the project is "bruised" I am not sure if i will send it off or self-publish...it would be easy enough to get it printed and do the layout myself....just the promotion would be a problem...but i like the idea of a grass roots plan for this one...it's really so hard to get anything (poetry) published now a days...it seems the world isn't as interested in it as it once was...my friend works for a small publishing firm and i may talk to him as he has been showing a keen interest in my work as of late....anyway that's all for now.
b
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