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His Field of Autumn

In a vast field of soft grass
Tainted a little yellow
From autumn's wonder,

He walked alone,

Lost in thought.

 

Lungs filled with

The cool breeze

Of autumn.

But his heart is pained,

With the memory

Of someone he had lost.

 

He remembered how she

Used to marvel at how

Grand that oak tree

In the middle of the field was,

And how she loved the

Season of autumn,

Where all the leaves turned

A brilliant red.

 

Standing still and

Staring at the oak tree,

That had aged with the seasons.

Tears fell from his eyes,

Like the leaves on the oak

That fell in autumn.

 

His field of autumn,

That will forever remind him

Of his precious loved one.

Author notes

TheGreatestLove

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Kathraina silver member
    January 4

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    Well done!

    "He remembered how she

    Used to marvel at how

    Grand that oak tree

    In the middle of the field was,

    And how she loved the

    Season of autumn,

    Where all the leaves turned

    A brilliant red."

    Bravo!!! I love this piece! The flow is great and the imagery is sweet. Great job and good luck in the contest

    ♥ Kathraina


  • ResplendentCloud
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this poem is like MADE for the picture prompt, I simple adore it

    I love the way you related leaves falling from a tree to tears escaping our eyes, the imagery made me feel like I was there

    good job and good luck
    -Emmy


  • Kp.s
    April 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    When I read this, I pictured some kind of dance, the way the stanzas seemed chopped up, like each line would be a different movement, or frozen pose. Unfortunately, I have no visual aid so I have to go on simply reading, and for me it was a bit cut-up. I think it would have flowed MUCH better if, for instance it was set up like this:

    In a vast field of soft grass,
    Tainted a little yellow from autumn's wonder,
    He walked alone, lost in thought.

    This way, all your stanzas can be three liners, like your final one (which I thought was most powerful)

    Other than these minor suggestions, I very much liked your poem. It had great imagery, and the oak tree aspect was nice (oaks are my favourite) So all in all, this was a very sad but heartfelt piece.
    Thanks for sharing and entering, and best of luck!
    KP


  • Simply Simple
    December 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Okay well I liked what I read. However, I will be back soon enough with more comments. (I have algebra homework to finish) Best of Luck.

    ~I like what is says. The poem posseses (I hope I spelled that right) a powerful message. Overall I liked what I read.(Even if it was a little sad) Great job.


  • Phoenix Renaissance
    November 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    there is now a much greater sense of flow in all the stanzas. good job on that.


  • Phoenix Renaissance
    November 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very touching message as far as that goes. the diction though and break in lines seems almost random with a lack of flow. idk. . . i think the poem could be wonderful. . . just maybe not finished. what impact has the oak made to relate it to his mother? also, one more thing, check how you misspelled center in the 1st line of the 3rd stanza. this poem has great potential, but maybe some polishing. let me know if anything changes. and once again i love the message of it.


    • Walk-Free
      November 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Hi ^^
      Thanks for your comment, it really helped.
      I read through my poem and agreed to what you have said, so I made some changes.
      Tell me if this works for you (:

1 - 7 of 7