Oh, what a strangle hold we weave,
When were awake instead of sleep...
Inner mind is hard to taste,
When your thoughts are laid to waste...
Show me something fresh and new,
Something here to tame and bruise...
Dreams are much more than they feel,
Like a movie, far too real...
Blood, gore, too much hate,
For something better, must I wait?
Slumber is the western gate,
Run from it, don't hesitate!
Northern lights may tame the pain,
Southern might may spark a flame.
Clarity of the eastern isles,
Is where I find souls reconcile.
Comatose is lack of pain-
Comatose is Minds untamed...
Slumber is as slumber tries-
Looking to revive my cries...
Is this how my mind confides,
In my souls plan to decide,
What is ahead for myself to be?
In this pleasant sleep I leave-
My body on the shores of time.
Death is not an vengeful crime...
As I tell the world I leave-
Thank you for the gifts received...
Heavens open- stars unfold-
Death is mine now to behold…
Author notes
This is a poem about a graphic novel I'm writing called "Perfect East" and the different aspects of death and what your soul gains from it...
A contest entry
- Serial Killers? Dreams? Death? Oh my! by skyviewexpress.
800 points, ended December 24, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Moment in Time (contest by sinnastarr) by Sinnastarr.
590 points, ended December 31, 2007, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Reveal to me a world beyond your imagination. by NoMoreAThought.
400 points, ended December 16, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This was a very interesting piece. It read very well.
You presented a lot of vivid imagery with your words.
I cant wait to read the graphic novel you are working on once it is finished.
All and all a very good contest entry.
Thank you so much for entering and I wish you the best of luck. -
Beautiful. The rhyme was nice, and suttle. This put my mind in a peaceful place, almost like a dream. Endless fields, ecstacy. Amazing. Thank you for entering and good luck with both the contest and your novel! You better finish it, I would love to indulge myself in that kind of literature.
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will try to read again later
Have to many family conflicts going on I liked what I coud grasp...mac
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eXCELLENT dIFFERENT has a great rhyme scheme to it and the flow is really nice. I enjoyed reading this
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thank you very much. i tend to think about unconsciousness a lot for some reason, and coma's fascinate me, not that i ever wish to be in one...
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this really is different from anything that ive ever read. i love how it makes u think in a different way than others. i like the seriousness of it all. from what i can see here in this poem, ur novel will be AMAZING!
-baconlicious112
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I enjoyed the rhyme scheme quite a bit. I liked how it was noticable, but it didn't seem forced. However, the
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beautiful imaginings of how we leave life. 'thankyou for the gifts received. i loved that.
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I have always had a metaphorical picture in my mind of always chasing the setting sun in the west, wanting to find and endless, deathlike slumber to escape all time and reality.
This poem makes me think of that again.
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Masterful, Lyrical and a Journey unlike most!!!
I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS. It's got a forbiddon and yet very known and feared of feel to it. It's sweet in a morbid tone and carries the reader into a weird thinking state of mind. Such as with myself I felt as though something was lurking behind me, hovering over my shoulder as I read your words. Line from line I felt my skin crawl and my stomache came to disease...Terrific write cuz. My type o poetry right there...mind boggoling
~Tess!
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this is from my manga perfect east, and what just may happen to you while you're in a coma. i really liked the finished product, and i'm working on chapter 3 right now. i let one of my friends read what i have so far, and he was begging me to tell him what would happen next...
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