I feel empty.
I ‘kept a lot myself in my pocket.
I think I dropped it.
I’ve been so many places…
It’s probably where every sock I’ve lost is,
with all the loose change I never cared about,
Probably sitting next to my recollection of true love.
I think I lost that too.
According to the doctors my marbles are gone too.
If you happen to find some shiny marbles,
a shoddy recollection of what I thought was love,
and perhaps even me,
Please let me know.
How have you felt & do you understand?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This is clever. I think you hit the nail on the head. I am sure everyone can relate to this. I know that I can.
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Some time in our lives I think we all feel like this, or a bit like this anyway- feel like we've lost it, not too sure of who we are at that moment, or even if we want to be who we are. Liked the flow and the sentiments expressed so well in these lines. Those marbles are still there, just mixed up and thrown around helter skelter. Once you find them and put them all in order, all will be fine. Good luck.
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I really like the ideas you present here. I love how lost you make yourself appear, yet you seem so cool and detached. As if you've completely seperated yourself from your feelings to emphasize the lost love/identity aspects of the poem. Great, original ideas and I hope you find your marbles.
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this is an excellent write!
i find it quite original
to see people write
the simple possessions they've lost
and then soon write about
how they lost themselves too.
hmm, although, the only person
who can find your lost self is
yourself, indeed.
don't know if it made sense but
i thought i would share that.
anyway, a simply wonderful piece
this is and the words were pretty much lovely ^^
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Brilliant
I think it was written beautifully. I know how it feels, to be in that position, and I think you've summed it up just right. Nice balance of humour in there, too, which helped keep the tone nice and light. The uncertainty with the repeated use of "probably" helps carry it along. Well done! -
I was surprised to enjoy this poem. It got better with every line. The last four lines are particularly awesome. "If you happen to find some shiny marbles" =D
By the way, man, everybody feels like this at one point or another. *reassuring pat* -
Ha! That's so funny! "According to the doctors my marbles are gone too" was probably my favorite line, along with the corresponding one below it. Although in the "Doctor" line, I think it would sound better without the "too", it gets a little redundant sometimes. Great job!
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