I stand there in the bright sunlight
Bringing myself to life
Nothing holds me back
I am all I am
Jet black hair surrounds me
Enhances my pale skin
Blue eyes are enhanced by the light
Though they are hidden behind sunglasses
In the parking lot of a favorite park
Thinking about my lost heart
Nothing holds me back
I am all I am
Author notes
=D
A contest entry
- Avatar by ea.
525 points, ended December 1, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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proud
well stated for a "self" poem . . like "Enhances my pale skin" and "Nothing holds me back" . . descriptive and assertive . . !
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I think it's nice that you are proud enough to show your real face & write an exultant poem.
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Incubating Profile
Some parts of this wonderfully paint regarding your sweet face. The beginning two lines stuck me to want to keep reading on. They left me with a thought that if there isn't daylight upon you, it can be tough to keep happy when your deficiency has no support.
I got a smile from your phrasing,
"Jet black hair surrounds me
Enhances my pale skin" because that switch makes it pleasing. Moreover, mixing colors if too light, give some darkness.
Continuing the next stanza makes it interesting you say "enhance" twice for there is a connection not leaving out this channel of sight lol! I also like the concept that the sun makes your irises sparkle.
Wow, there is some wistfulness in verses number eight and ten... I'm thinking when the vivid sting is covered, it now allows your emotional pain to penetrate further without totally showing it. So, in terms the sun could peak the person you miss.
I deduce the eagerness presented in duplicate lines at the end.
Politely,
Circles -
very nice. hmmm reminds me of your profile pick. lawlz, this park wouldn't happen to be downtown LV?
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hope you like it
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