Your eyes are like the water's face
deeper than the ocean blue
crashing waves,
make my bleak heart race
unsettled by the view
If I ever tried to swim
this ocean that I've found
In your depths my life would dim,
in ecstasy I'd drown.
Please give me some pointers
Comments
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This is very nicely written,
and the spelling is better than mine too (hee...) -
very nice poem. the only thing I would say is try adding more punctuation. Comma's tend to make people pause while reading and they work very well if there's a particular phrase in your poem you would like to highlight! nice job!
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I fully agree with you, but I have also found that line breaks achieve the same affect. Much to my embarrassment I tend to overuse commas but I will keep this in mind. Thanks for the helpful suggestions!
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