Give me a memory that won't ever fade away,
the sadness I hear when you sing.
The thoughts that give your brown eyes a shade of gray.
It's like you want to say something.
You're still so beautiful
when the firelight scatters the shadows on your face
and you're looking right at me.
Seems you're an angel,
whose wings disappeared without a trace
and now you need them to be free.
I'll look for a pair of eyes in every lane,
in every street, in every single train,
hopelessly scanning each car, each bus
for someone to replace the memory of us
So take your guitar and strum a tune for this night
It's the last one we'll ever get
For even though the tears have dimmed my sight
Your eyes haven't faded yet.
I fear I'll replay the past again and again
How I used to cry when you tried so hard to explain
how love though it's lost never is in vain
and how the memory of us always would remain
But I'll keep looking for a pair of eyes in every lane,
in every street, in every single train,
hopelessly scanning each car, each bus
for someone to replace the memory of us
Some one to replace the memory of us...
Author notes
And voilą.
A contest entry
- lyrics by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended December 2, 2007, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Goodbye My Friend by Peachy.
550 points, ended December 13, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Can you feel what I feel?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This seemed to have a surreal feel to it, like someone was singing it from beyond the grave O.O
It was good though. An almost song like quality to it.
Thanks for entering and good luck! -
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Thank you! It is supposed to sound like a song sang to a lover/lifepartner who died too early.
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forgot to applaud! and this totally deserves it!
WWW*
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wow that last line of the chorus, in fact the WHOLE chorus is amazing! It's beautiful! Wish I could hear a beat to this because it should be on the radio. EVERYONE can relate to this. It's just so easy to understand and feel. Makes me wanna cry. Good job!
WWW* -
This is haunting, with a sense of a ton of doubt, but then deep down there's hope; like the kind of hope that hurts, because there's so much doubt. I feel it.
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So glad it made a difference. Thanks.
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Try to organize this into verses and chorus, have a bridge, etc. If you go to lyrics.com and look at your the lyrics to some of your favorite songs, you'll get an idea of how to construct your song.
The way it is right now, it's not exactly organized- so I'm wondering "would this even be able to be put in a melody?" Probably, but it would need some tweaking.
I think all lyrics are more effective in this general format:
Verse One
Chorus
Verse Two
Chorus
Bridge
Chorus
Chorus
Fade
or
Verse One
Verse Two
Chorus
Verse three
Chorus
Bridge
Chorus
Chorus
Fade
Your format can vary, but the more contemporary thing is to write the lyrics in this format. -
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As requested, it now has a chorus and a bridge and even a fade as a special treat, although I'm not a fan of fades myself
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powerful poetry, right from your heart, a moving piece. thanks for entering and good luck
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Thank you
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