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Deja vu

Our story has been re written
one too many times,
[so which one of us writes it now?]

What's mine is yours
and what's yours is yours. 

I tell myself
I owe you nothing  [ more than my life]
because without you
I'm half the girl I used to be-

half the nothing;

Funny how you said you never fall again
and here you are tumbling to the floor;
armfuls of air that suffocates your skin
and forces your lips to breathe against mine

[if you can call it that...]


Sweet scents of empty
cling to your throat--
and you can tell your friends
that you choked the living hell
out of yourself because somewhere
within you a regurgitating menace
was wrestling with your tongue and pinning
the words you could not say against your cheeks

[but I know they are not bruises,
and for once, some part of us

belongs to me.]

You didn't get it-

I wasn't surprised.

A part of you wants me again
[a part of you has already given in.]
and to think-
we didn't believe in second chances

but maybe
there's hope for a third.


My eyes do not register hope.

[Sometimes I am not even sure you're there
until the tears involuntarily start to fall.]

You're beautifully persuasive and
if there is such a thing
as me in my right state of mind
it is when I am as close as I will ever get
to accepting that I need to be over you.

Acceptance is the first step is it not?







Falling back into denial always seems to be the second...

Author notes


Why can't I get over you--
I love you Forever

Hell in Harmony
inspired by;
Lithium Bubbles (And Cocaine Cancer Kisses)

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • written-in-ink
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    [Sometimes I am not even sure you're there
    until the tears involuntarily start to fall.]


    my favorite line


  • Voodoo Eyes
    February 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Astounding!

    That was amazing. I very much liked it. Lots of feeling. Can tell it came from heart... or where ever it is that these types of things evolve. Keep Writting!


  • Crash Into Me
    November 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    gosh;; make me feel anymore and my teeth will hurt from clenching back the tears..

     

    You deserve better than "third chances"..

     

    [[alexsis]]


  • makeout kid
    November 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "You're beautifully persuasive and
    if there is such a thing
    as me in my right state of mind
    it is when I am as close as I will ever get
    to accepting that I need to be over you.

    Acceptance is the first step is it not?

    Falling back into denial always seems to be the second..."

    gosh girlie.
    you are effing brilliant.



  • TChaplinette
    November 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Acceptance is the first step is it not?







    Falling back into denial always seems to be the second...




    super cool amazingness......just like alway


  • Tinkerbell-Or-Me
    November 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    and you can tell your friends
    that you choked the living hell
    out of yourself because somewhere
    within you a regurgitating menace
    was wrestling with your tongue and pinning
    the words you could not say against your cheeks

    [but I know they are not bruises,
    and for once, some part of us

    belongs to me.]


    ily.ily.ily.


  • Mildew in PinK tile
    November 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "Sweet scents of empty
    cling to your throat--
    and you can tell your friends
    that you choked the living hell
    out of yourself because somewhere
    within you a regurgitating menace
    was wrestling with your tongue and pinning
    the words you could not say against your cheeks"


    &


    "You're beautifully persuasive and
    if there is such a thing
    as me in my right state of mind
    it is when I am as close as I will ever get
    to accepting that I need to be over you.

    Acceptance is the first step is it not?

    Falling back into denial always seems to be the second..."


    you wrote it best hun.
    god. got to save this one.


  • Eyes Wide Shut gold member
    November 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow. this is...beautiful. i hope you feel better, you seem so down lately. i'm worred =[ . this poem is amazing though.

    great job.


  • noir eyes
    November 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Sweet scents of empty
    cling to your throat--
    and you can tell your friends
    that you choked the living hell
    out of yourself because somewhere
    within you a regurgitating menace
    was wrestling with your tongue and pinning
    the words you could not say against your cheeks

    [but I know they are not bruises,
    and for once, some part of us

    belongs to me.]



    oh jeez. i loved this. it was so angsty & emotional. you rock, sweetie =]


  • LovesWithTheBreeze
    November 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was absolutely and brilliantly thought provoking. i loved it.
    my favorite part....
    "You didn't get it-
    I wasn't surprised.

    A part of you wants me again
    [a part of you has already given in.]
    and to think-
    we didn't believe in second chances
    but maybe
    there's hope for a third.

    My eyes do not register hope"

    I feel as though this is deja vu for me alone...it was an amazing write. you have extreme talent. thank you for sharing this with us


  • Janetheplain
    November 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    You spoke with a truth, honesty, rawness, and a sadness thats very sincere. This broke my heart and made me reevaluate myself. Beautiful work once again, Jane

    Fave part:

    Sweet scents of empty
    cling to your throat--
    and you can tell your friends
    that you choked the living hell
    out of yourself because somewhere
    within you a regurgitating menace
    was wrestling with your tongue and pinning
    the words you could not say against your cheeks

    it is when I am as close as I will ever get
    to accepting that I need to be over you.

    Acceptance is the first step is it not?

    Falling back into denial always seems to be the second...


  • CarCrashHumor
    November 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "somewhere
    within you a regurgitating menace
    was wrestling with your tongue and pinning
    the words you could not say against your cheeks

    [but I know they are not bruises,
    and for once, some part of us

    belongs to me.]"

    "Sometimes I am not even sure you're there
    until the tears involuntarily start to fall."


    "Acceptance is the first step is it not?
    Falling back into denial always seems to be the second..."

    It seemed like the beginning of this piece wasn't AS strong as your usual pieces, but I loved the emotions displayed, and those phrases that I quoted are brilliant and so thick.!
    I love your descriptions. you're a great writer and a lovely girl.
    ♥ you


  • The Black Poet
    November 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is seriously good. It has great detail and emotion, which i love, as well as teh way it's written with brackets etc.
    Well done, this is awesome, keep it up.

    The Black Poet


  • nichtmich silver member
    November 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Unusual and unique, layers of thought and contemplation. A broken romance that keeps struggling forward in its own fitful way. I really like the last two lines, hopeful and hopeless.


  • RainShadow
    November 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    excellent.

    my god, this is amazing. it's so rich in emotion and detail. i really connected with the content, as well. it seems to me to describe a very intense relationship that is both loved and hated. seriously... this felt so familiar.
    this: "armfuls of air that suffocates your skin
    and forces your lips to breathe against mine" was just stunning, as was the entire stanza beginning with "Sweet scents of empty..."

    the bits in the brackets seemed to be especially effective because it represented the thoughts, but in a way that made them seem "less important" or "nothing" as was given by the context of the poem. I. Loved. This. I'm going to have to check out your other work. Even the title fits beautifully with the concept of second and third chances.

1 - 16 of 16