Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

never again

Never again can I rest
Never again can I feast
Never again will I stop to dream
Never again can I stop to cry
Never again will I try
Never again can I breathe
Never again for I wreathe

Forever now on
I can only march on

Author notes

It started with "never again", then evolved and built into this poem.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • leander Moderators member
    November 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a short and quite a dark poem that you have written here. I'm not really a huge fan of repetition, especially when it's in a rather short poem. Most of the time it feels like reading a shopping list then...

    Maybe a little suggestion:

    Never again can I rest;
    nor feast.
    I will never stop dreaming,
    nor can I stop crying.
    I'll never try again.

    Never again, can I breathe
    for I wreathe.

    Forever now on,
    I can only march on.


    That is how I would put it, but off course, you are the author of this one so it's all up to you

    Keep it up!
    Leander


  • PureRomance
    November 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a dark poem, but really good. You did a wonderful job in putting it together. Keep up the awesome work my poetic friend.