I see things in you that I saw in me
the pain and torture, realize love is misery
I'm tortured by your crys all hours of the night
you wonder what you did, what will make it right?
you cry in vain as your world falls apart
he didn't ever care, but he still had your heart
you read the texts he sent and think of what to say
only pain fills your mind, you've lost the will to pray
as you're hit with pain again and again
you start to tremble as agony is setting in
you cry yourself to sleep, just another night
but you don't realize i've been through this fight
all the things I tell you were told to me
at the time i couldn't handle it, the truths told to me
so I'll stay beside you through these rough times
and hope one day you'll say your mine
A contest entry
- Heartbroken by Love-Lee.
300 points, ended January 1, 2008, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Very very nice. This was really good, I really liked it. You can really feel the support your offering, as well as the feelings you have for the one who's crying. If I were you I would make the last line "And hope one day you'll say that you are mine." This way it has the same amount of syllables as the other lines and sounds more fluent. Really good job though.
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Wonderful
Just what I was looking for the raw pain and emotion of heartbreak!!!! Good job! Wow great piece thank you so much for the entry!
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