I wanted to write something happy,
but the darkness prevails.
For no matter what I do,
I am surrounded in total hell.
Maybe I should light a torch,
for all of the world to see.
Maybe a bomb should blow,
there would be nothing left of me.
Maybe a flood will rise,
and drown the sockets in my eyes.
Maybe my car would crash,
and my head would go straight through the glass.
Maybe I would walk the street,
and a car would run over my path.
Maybe I would mow the yard,
and the blades cut off my feet.
Maybe.....
A contest entry
- Whatcha got now? by Southern Darling.
700 points, ended January 1, 2008, 35 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I love it, reminds me of a poem full of rhyming couplets, leading me to go back and check it they were so. Perhaps you sould write a few of those, for you seem to have mastered the flow of one. You probably already have, considering the write. I would suggest perhaps adding something beforet the last maybe to connect the poem to it's ending, what you have works as well though.
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I love the humanity of this poem, I believe all of us, at one point or another, ponder about our demise. We all want a glorious death, or a peaceful one but sometimes that's not what we get.
I love the rhyme, and the imagery is just so strong, you can taste the tone of this piece. I loved it. My fav line is: 'Maybe a flood will rise, and drown the sockets in my eyes,' such imagery!
Your first line was hook, line and sinker, I was so enticed by it, could never stop reading it. I like the indecision/pondering of the last line, also its the title. AMAZING JOB
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Very depressing, I will be keeping my fingers crossed that everything works out then it'll be happy, happy
It is a great write hunni, very similar to something I wrote a long time ago, great minds think alike, your poetry is is really improving!! 
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Maybe
maybe all that won't happen and you'll do better....Think on that Hon...
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And maybe just maybe you'll be okay after all!
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wow, this is a very sad but powerful poem. you did a great job expressing your emotions through out it.
kathy
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Maybe you'll survive
Lu
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This is pretty interesting and thought
provoking. Sounds like someone has just
given up on their life. It's a terrible
situation to find yourself in. I do hope
that this isn't true for you. If it is,
don't give up on yourself and I wish you
all the best in life! Take care young
poet and thanks a lot for sharing this
one here! Keep up the wonderful work here!
Jeremy0826
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