As we were parked and talking
about our lives
He asked me how in the world
it happened to me
I began to explain in a
way he may understand
I said, "You see that house.
Beautiful, homey and so inviting.
Imagine, a party thrown by the
owners, a young couple. Many
friends and a few aquaintances
show up with their covered
dishes
Someone brings tuna casserole
someone else brings spinich
dip and a couple single guys
bring an assortment of beers
and wines
The party is going along
fine and everyone is laughing
and having a great time
After a few hours, the couple's
best friends and most of the
aquaintances have gone, except
the one guy who is now a great
friend
The few who remain are
sitting around drinking
and smoking
Feeling comfortable, the new guy
brings out a joint. Asking if
anyone objects, he smokes
and passes it....only one or two partake
Time continues and everyone
is really f'd up now, and that new
guy brings out a "rock".
Feeling safe in the confines
of their own home, the couple
tries it.
Husband doesn't really like it.
Wife really likes it.
Morning comes, the wife and new
friend are still up smoking...
and the husband wakes up....
Friend leaves, but not before
wife secretly gets his number.
Husband talks about the wonderful
party. Wife just listens.
Husband and wife continue on.
Husband works daily. Wife can't
stop thinking about that night
and the feeling. She calls her new
friend, just to say hello, right?
He doesn't work so he stops by
to see her and share a hit or two.
She gladly accepts. He leaves
but not before leaving her with
a rock or two to smoke at her
leisure.
Her husband comes home, and notices
that she is a little different.
WILL CONTINUE HERE....
As we were leaving, I pointed at the
house again, and sadly said:
You'll never know what and why
life happens the way it does,
just looking....
From the Road Outside.
Author notes
I will continue
In a list
A contest entry
- Ice Cream People by Dalaney.
900 points, ended November 30, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I certainly hope you will continue this...
Thank you for a bit of life poetry worth
reading. Love, Lane
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wow so far it sounds hella good... ummm are you going to write more? well i loved the part that said Husband and wife continue on.
Husband works daily. Wife can't
stop thinking about that night
and the feeling. She calls her new
friend, just to say hello, right?
and i think that once your done it will be hella good.
keep writing -
This is simple but complexed, all rolled into one. It's funny (no ha ha) but there are several people in my circle that got hooked on crack out of curiosity. I was one who thought I was invincible and too intelligent to get addicted to "rocks" as you call them. I've been clean for over 11 years now, free of all mind and mood altering substances. The reality of this poignant work is it's ability to allow the reader to see how easy it is to be attracted to the unknown and even easier to get addicted to a substance that for me is one of life's demons. Great, thought-provoking work here poet.
I used to walk three miles a day at Shaker Lakes. It's one of the wealthiest communities in Shaker Heights. The homes are mini mansions, no less than 15 - 20 rooms, lots of windows.... I would watch through the windows as I walked past the homes and make up stories of what might have been going on inside. This poem took me there. It's been years since I took my jaunts. You make me want to walk the Lakes again but you also make me know that I don't want to sit outside the window of the house in your work, nor do I want to smoke that rock ever again, one day at a time. It is a monster to let go of.
I wish you well in this contest. You made the hairs stand on the back of my neck.
Much Love & Respect ♥
Renee
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oh yea, i like the revision, and i dont feel like it takes horribly long to read either. once agin, when it is totally finished i would love to take another read. god job.
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Excellent! I will read to see what you said after, it's good just like this! But I'm glad you will not forget about this poem!
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i am glad you said you would continue, as this seemed unfinished to me. i did not like the line
....hence the drug connection.
it seems stilted to me. i lok foward to reading the poem in its entirety. good job.
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