Deadened concrete so solid and bitter
But warm against these cold shoulders.
Rally past with blinkers- stupid drone horses
A life with no worth in capital gain.
A cousin
Onto the coffee shops for mock cappuccinos
With caramel lashings, cream and choc chips
To stores that sell shoes, handbags and dresses
The latest from Prada a more pressing matter.
An Uncle
Now only embraced by God and the pavement
Under still evening skies by the marching of feet
The persistence of loneliness makes blind all the people
A symbol of mortality that’s too much to bare.
A father
Lying dead in the street by the bins and closed doorways
The rain shapes of chewing gum discarded like him,
Insane is a notion of stopping and helping
Insane it would be to be late for work
A son
Funny how people will strain at a car crash
Funny how they watch the same on TV
But faced with the truth that life is so fragile
A cousin or uncle or father or son
Is nothing it seems.
Author notes
http://myprivateparty.deviantart.com/art/Walk-on-by-38808947
A contest entry
- rendezvous with a dead man and then some by vertigo beat.
1750 points, ended December 2, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Damn, girl...
"Lying dead in the street by the bins and closed doorways
The rain shapes of chewing gum discarded like him,
Insane is a notion of stopping and helping
Insane it would be to be late for work"
Rain shapes of chewing gum. How unique and accurate your descriptions are. This piece didn't begin to come together in my brain until that stanza, and I love when I get to read something as unpredictable as this. The way you punctuate the verses lead the reader into thinking this is about someone you are related to, which is exactly what you intend. As it becomes apparent that this is about strangers, the way you've set this up expresses that it doesn't make a difference if the suffering is of a stranger or your own brother. We have an unspoken responsibility to help others as we are all connected.
Also, love the social commentary about the avid curiosity in misery when we are at a safe distance from it. The car crash line is much alike a small poem I once wrote, so of course that just made me love this even more. (I'm prone to self love.)
Well I'm done lavishing upon you. I could go on but I think it'd start to make you sick. Much respect - Kate.
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Wow! This speaks volumes. Again, I'm wowed and impressed beyond reason. Keep penning dear.
-Mstrss" -
Nice Job***
I really liked it.
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well. that's a whole new level of writing. and just in time for the holiday season . . .
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i think you are brilliant,,,best wishes here from uncle son father cousin smile xx peter
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I Was Thinking About Entering That Contest
Honestly...you have captured what was in the picture...it was a powerful picture, and you have done it just by delievering an equally powerful write to accompany it. It is intense, telling, with a sharp, skilled tongue, and without reserve. Beautiful.
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the last stanza really blew me away slink. amazing words, spoken by my amazing sister.
its true, and well said, and all that jazz : D
Abby -
This is really good and a very strong piece reminding us of what life is.
I did feel the ending stanza was a little weaker than the rest of the piece and perhaps could be eliminated all together, thus making it a stronger write...
Just my opinion mind you and ultimately your piece- your call.
Becky
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