I am turning away
spinning, twirling,
the height on the roof
is dizzying.
it's cold and I want you to hold me
but I don't even know where you are
you don't know I'm here
if you did, you'd be angry
I've tried this before
once with the pills
once with the blade
I wish I didn't have such a caring mom.
I don't think she can catch me
when I'm falling from 10 stories
or at least not gently enough to save me
and neither can you.
the fact that I know I'll die this time
is reassuring in its morbid way
I know I'll get what I want
if I can just make myself jump.
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